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serenata
Germany
1400 Posts |
 Posted - 04 May 2006 : 18:49:58
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| Twinkly, what I was talking about is not the problem of a special culture. It is a woldwide phenomenon, but fortunately not all men are affected. |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 04 May 2006 : 19:38:52
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twinkly, the reason it is hard to accept another culture is this, they are not happy with themselves. I cannot believe how many "westerners travel to gambia and the first thing they say is I did not know it would be like this". I am well travelled and know that when I see an "injustice" such as a girl child being married at 13!?!, I cannot change that. There is a saying that some people might be aware of EACH ONE TEACH ONE REACH ONE.
Gambiaeve, I wish that girls on the african continent could be allowed to wait until they are 18 before they are married, or even 16, but have accepted in my life time this will not happen. I have tried to help girls stay in school by paying fees, if she gets married young that is out of my hands, but she will at least be educated. JUST THINK AN EDUCATED WIFE,
it breaks my heart to see how many females cannot read and rely on someone else for help. this is the biggest drawback to the future of Gambia. TRUST ME EDUCATE MORE FEMALES AND CONTINENT WILL CHANGE.
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bamba
Sweden
401 Posts |
Posted - 04 May 2006 : 19:58:09
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| But why would people who are happy with themselves leave that behind and try to settle with people who are not happy with themselves. It doesnt add up, what's the reason behind? |
Bamba |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 04 May 2006 : 20:12:37
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bamba, they are not happy, think about it if they are in paradise they would not leave. Also the saying is "misery likes company", if they are unhappy at home they try to find happiness elsewhere. they could be looking for something come to gambia and find it. Some people want a sunshine and a quiet life. Others are leaving something behind that has not been resolved, such as a bad relationship, bills, . thats what i believe. i found a place to retire, hopefully if the situation changes it will be stay peaceful.
Also if they are happy they will not stay with the people who are unhappy, they will move away and find their own circle, i did and so did my friends. I found like minded people. It can be done. Just that on the African continent it can take longer. |
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bamba
Sweden
401 Posts |
Posted - 04 May 2006 : 20:53:00
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| Avoid using happiness or unhappiness, use "come to terms" instead. What may be unhappiness to u, may other people come to terms with and are at ease with it. The mind and body are adaptable to a lot. Maybe that's what we humans dont know. If u settled with them, u are forced to come to terms with what they come to terms with, otherwise u'll never settle with them. |
Bamba |
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kassma
334 Posts |
Posted - 04 May 2006 : 22:10:33
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quote:
Originally posted by jambo
kassma, not sure when you last went to gambia, but it happens to people who are not toubabs, the problem was they did not think i would come back. Also I did not begrude the money, the fees where $30 a year, i have spent more than that on a meal. I believe in education so thought by paying for the school fees it would be less money out of the family budget. That was my thinking. I did not put the child in school she was already there. The family believe in education till she is 12, then she will gt married, that is what i meant by tribal, they were fula, early marriage is the norm for girl child.
It has not put me off but has changed my project.
Next woeful tale, tune.
i haven't been there in a while, and even though i want to go there is december by myself my mom does not want me to go by myself cause she thinks people will try and take advantage of me - my mom obviously has not seen my no-nonsense side. and its so sad, $30 dollars for school is nothing really and her own parents are standing in the way. plus, isn't there a requirement that children should be in school until they're 16. how can Gambia move forward if girls are getting married at 12, really |
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kassma
334 Posts |
Posted - 04 May 2006 : 22:22:04
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quote:
Originally posted by twinkly
Why is it so hard to just accept a culture?
It has only been a discussion about culture, not one person's thoughts.
Yes, there is good and bad, but WE TOUBABS have to accept that there are cultures where things are done differently.
Serenata, I wonder what you like about the Gambia apart from the sunshine and your partner(who comes from the same culture by the way, but probably is so oppressed he can't live it out anymore).
We don't have to accept every single little thing, but we need to realise that it is not up to us toubabs to change the world and let everybody follow us because we are so perfect!!
Learn to accept each other, and communication will flow.
Gambiabev, I really like your style, your eyes are more and more opening.And eventhough you don't agree, you can just accept the fact that things are the way they are
twinkly, you scare me.
since culture shapes people and their thoughts, you can't really discuss culture without discussing people's thoughts as well because people are what cultures are made out of.
i for one don't support toubabs having their hands in anything African. they've "helped" enough. Toubab, i know you know that it is toubabs who invaded africa, stole from it, raped its mothers and women, killed it's people and continue to abuse the country. so really, even though i don't always see eye to eye with Bamba, really, toubabs who do go to africa with bad intentions deserve to be called nasty cause they are nasty. in fact there are worst words that i would use to describe them. |
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kassma
334 Posts |
Posted - 04 May 2006 : 22:32:58
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quote:
Originally posted by bamba
The filthy invaders are those that globetrott looking for under age boys and girls to have sex with. Most men behind these filthy practices are, as statistics show, Europeans, Americans, Australians and New Zealanders. It's no excuse that the countries they travel to have paedophile networks. In such countries abject poverty, the horrendous injustices of our world, are always the causes behind. It's really beyond me how men can go to bed with men, let alone under age boys and girls. One cant have it all in this world. One can be rich and filthy as one can poor and clean, if the cleanlinss of the poor is not besmirched by the so called rich.
At very regular intervals, one can read in Swedish papers how paedophiles destroy the lives of toddlers in poorer countries. Luckily, some of them get bursted and locked up in different countries. Two British old hogs are currently serving a six year jail term respectively, since last month, for padophile acts with kids in an orphanage in Bombay,in India. U hear me right, orphans of all kids. One of the two has been helping this orphanage for the past eight years. The other one is a retired army whatever from the British army. Some people beg around in their rich countries to take down to poorer countries. As thank u for their generosities, they have access to the very poor kids for gratification of their animalistic sexual desires. Some people have no shame in them.
and its so sad but i have heard that even though this is obviously disgusting. some parents know about it but let it continue because they're so poor they hope that the pedophile will give money to the child or maybe "give" the child a better life by taking them back to their countries. sadly, i've heard of nonsense like this going on in Gambia. i don't know why toubab culture is so predatorial and then most claim to be christians. even in america, i swear the fact that as a woman you can't be walking around at night, is not normal. there is something wrong with the fact that as a female, if you work out at night, there really is a real possiblity of getting attacked, raped or killed. i mean a few weeks ago, this boy attacked this girl at night on campus, just beat her up and left her in the bushes. of course it was a white male and he still has not been caught. and every few months around here, there are reports of rapes and other nonsense, really its ridiculous. |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 05 May 2006 : 08:07:49
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'of course it was a white male'.........
It is true MOST violent crime in the west is done by MEN....but as to the colour of the man??????? It is USUALLY POOR men...in some areas that will be white and some it will be black.
In Uk this week there has been alot of publicity to violent crimes committed by illegal Arfican immirgants (Somalians in the main). Our home secretary is in danger of loosing his job over it.
So colour isnt the issue..gender is..and mans attitude to women. We SHOULD be safe to walk the street and go where we like...... |
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bamba
Sweden
401 Posts |
Posted - 05 May 2006 : 10:32:06
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Of Course they are men like u said Gambiabev. I've not heard or read yet tourist women travelling down to harass kids. Tourist women have consensual contacts with yoynger men. What is consensual, is consensual, and bears mutual gains. I am the type of guy that hits what is to be hit, and leaves what is to be left. Any allusion of me as an old women hater is taken with a pinch of salt. In wolof we say if u dont know people u say "hej" to them.
Bantaba is not one of the, but the best net forum,as far as am concerned. But there are very dubious characters in this forum. People that are qualified in giving other pictures of themselves. That's their strategy for acceptance and survival. In contrast, there seem to be honest and open members in this forum.
As for the rapes of women in America mentioned by Kassma, I intend to post a topic on the frequent rapes of women in Sweden. It will be with a topic with all the ingrdients of mental illness, racism, etc, etc. I need to have time.
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Bamba |
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 05 May 2006 : 11:18:25
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Maybe I misunderstood your comment Gambiabev, but I can't agree.
This publicity about Somalis has nothing to do with gender but rather with terrorism and poloitics.
And what are these terrorists? MUSLIMS
They are not protesting agasinst women and their rights but the Western system.This whole terrorist issue is about the Arab world and the West.And feminism is just a small fraction of their protest.
Maybe we talk of different things here?
quote:
...since culture shapes people and their thoughts, you can't really discuss culture without discussing people's thoughts as well because people are what cultures are made out of.
Kassma
This statement is very true. Culture is what people have in common, and personality is an individual thing.
What really annoys me is that toubabs just don't want to understand a different culture.They show so much interest, but many can't understand and just accept things.It doesn't mean we have to agree but if you are involved in any way in a different culture, we should not come and try to put things down and change everything just because we do it differently.
quote:
the reason it is hard to accept another culture is this, they are not happy with themselves
Jambo,the reason why they are not happy is simply a political one.
But then I can see I could be very wrong because families are very different.I have a deep insight into my family, but I can see they are quite different to many other families there.I am trying to learn about more families, but somehow I don't want to because I'd like to keep my little heavenly picture of happy, decent families.
All these horrible things you talk of must be very true, but I don't think the majority of women are unhappy there.
In every other culture apart from "ours", men and women still have their roles to play.I like that because we all have a purpose and know what is expected of us.If we change that, women will become lost, look in our society, we have no roles anymore and everything gets mixed up.
I think it is very important to have certain roles between men and women.All I would stand for is that these roles are fair, I wouldn't change them if they are not harming anyone.
The majority of people are happy with their culture I believe.They are even proud of it.The problem starts when economical struggles come in the way, but that can't be blamed on culture and has nothing to do with it.
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 05 May 2006 : 11:50:01
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The Somalian was an illegal imigrant who went on to commit an offence....he was imprisoned and served his time. Then he should have been deported, but instead was released from prison. Then he went on to rape another women.
It is nothing to do with terrorism, or religion or race. It is male crime against female. This is nothing new. It is just spoken about more and reported more.
The political issue is that he shouldnt have even been in the country. Charles Clarke looks very likely to lose his job over this scandal. |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 05 May 2006 : 11:54:01
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Twinkly rigid roles between the sexes are very restricting. Ok you might know where you stand......but 'Stepford wives' is not something to be desired surely. Freedom of choice for the individual is a great thing.
I LOVE to see young men out with their children, pushing push chairs, changing nappies etc and why shouldnt women take a bit of the economic burden off their mans shoulders. I think if it is negotiated within the partnership BOTH parties can have a much more rewarding life. |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 05 May 2006 : 12:02:48
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Bamba.... in uk we are told to teach our children STRANGER DANGER..how sad is that?! I taught my children never to go alone anywhere with a MAN they didnt know....but if they were lost or in danger to go to a WOMEN!
Women are not perfect..but MOST women wouldnt hurt a child and wouldnt seek out a child for sex.
Of course the same is true of men...most men wouldnt BUT the few that do mean we have to be cautious about our children being alone with men that are strangers because we cant tell who are the good guys just by looking. It is SO SAD.......
The realtionship between white men and young girls in Gambia and Gambian men and white women is fundamentally different. The white men are usually quite old and the girls VERY young. It is more like straight forward prositution.
Whereas between the Gambian guys and the women there seems to be a less big age gap and the men are not VERY young..... (late 20s and 30)Some of these relationships seem to be based on subtle economics, but some are based on love and have mutual respect. It seems a more complex thing. |
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 05 May 2006 : 12:16:03
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Thank you for explaining, I was obviously completely wrong.Sorry
I really like your other statement!And can't agree more.
I was ver surprised to find out that ALL my brothers-in-law(and that's many) in Gambia know how to change nappies and look after their children.As soon as the child is off the breast, men take an interest and take their toddlers out with them and care for them.When my 3 year old was there for a few months without me, it was his uncle who took him out, played with him and even took him in his broom at night to sleep.
This is though because he is a boy, but I like that boys are with the men and girls stay with the women.My first son is very "feminin, because he never had male contact for the first 2 1/2 years of his life.I see some male company does him good.
The men take a huge role in childcare in Gambia for their boys and it is a pleasure to see.They are much more capable than many western dads(sorry to say).Maybe we just don't notice that so much. |
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