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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
 Posted - 30 Apr 2006 : 19:15:50
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Inez
I've lived in their compound for just over a year.I mix with the women, and have my hubby to give the men's side of things.I don't want to judge anybody, but let's say, each person, man and woman have their duties and need to be done in order for the family to function.
And there is a clear difference between the sisters and the wives, I believe it's a matter of upbringing and teaching of family harmony.
It is not about power but rather about keeping harmony and truth.And men are the head of families, so it is up to them to see to things.I've also witnessed that when a male member of the family doesn't cooperate, he will be put right.It's not all against women, but against jealousy, lying, wrong doing......no matter male or female.
This control thing you talk about, obviously these two people don't match.I don't think it is compromise but rather trust between the two partners.
I know my partner chooses his friends wisely, he knows I don't mix with certain people, maybe this is a good starting point for a couple to get on?Same ideas, similar thinking?
Could you not understand that your man might get jealous if he sees your best friend is running after men like a chicken, and you are with her all the time?What is he supposed to think?
What you say makes me think of the man, what was his motiv?He must have had a reason to behave this way?
SSS
Thank you for your wise words,I can read your posting again and again.Maybe the problem why we don't underdstand this is that we just can't accept that men ARE the head of the family but men actually like women.A good woman doesn't need disciplin from her husband. It is a harmonious togetherness |
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LEMON TIME
Afghanistan
1295 Posts |
Posted - 30 Apr 2006 : 20:54:37
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| JAA JEFF BAMBA,Kassma needs to change her NAPPY.Its a fact known around the world that respect people and people will repect you.Tunde can u define immature for me as you have more sense than me. |
There is no god but Allah |
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kassma
334 Posts |
Posted - 30 Apr 2006 : 21:40:23
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quote:
Originally posted by bamba
Kassma, this is a reply to some of your nasty responses. Some of them are so nasty that they can be deemed as insulting. I have no psychic power, but if u don’t change your attitude and show respect to others, the elderly, life will be very tough with u. If one of your laurels when u go back to Gambia is going to be, “am a Gambian girl grown up in America”, then u’ll be rejected and renounced with expressions like in wolof, “ki hamul bopam”, and in mandinka, “amah fang lond neh”. Both expressions mean u don’t know yourself. Gambians don’t stand people who play tough for no reason at all. Bob Marley sings, if u don’t know where u come from, u’ll never know where u‘re heading to.
Kassma, who are u to remind me that my mum gave birth, fed and nurtured me to sit here and talk smack? I have never said anything about women that my mum, if she was alive, would have disagreed with. I just cited Gambian proverbs about women and money. Do you know if I’ve ever heard my own mum used such a proverb many, many times when she was alive? I bet, if u were growing up in Gambia, u would never have been so disrespectful towards elders. Give some characters a modicum of education, they become as stubborn as a mule, as the saying goes,
But be assured that I can recognize your cocky and overbearing attitude, it’s here in Sweden. Most of the Gambian kids born and are growing up here are very wayward and nasty towards blacks. Hostile Sweden, thru racial discriminations, make Gambian kids hate themselves. Their hatred, sadly, takes an inward direction, since blacks don’t have others to let their frustrations out on. Many black kids here don’t have respect for their parents and are in constant conflict with them. Their lack of respect for anything black is a reflection of the success of the institutionalized racism here in this country. I’ll dilate more on this issue in due course.
Before I pen off, I’ll leave u with this advice. The energies you exert on your anger and aggression, reserve them for your concentration on studies, that’s where u need them most. Naturally, we Africans live under different conditions in the Diaspora. Some are harmonious with their Diaspora environment, some are not. More on this issue too later.
bamba, i don't need you, some random person in sweden, to tell me my character. you don't know me and you probably never will so don't judge me by saying i'm a disrespectful child. why do africans have to have a heart attack everytime someone younger than them says something they don't agree with. i see now you want to make this into an age thing. however, why don't you try and have a conversation with me as an adult. why does my age have to be a factor. just because you don't like what i'm saying does not mean i'm disrespect in any shape or form. but i guess when you're losing an argument you need to bring in something to distract others.
you are sexist for believing in those proverbs. you mom believed in them also cause like blacks who internalize racism, women internalize sexism as well. so your mothers believed in those proverbs, so what, it doesn't make it right. almost everywhere in the world women are blamed for this that and the other, but its men who control the world and the women in it, it doesn't make any sense. you're too old to be blaming your sexism on Gambian proverbs, take responsibility for your beliefs.
supposedly, you're insinuating that i'm one of the Gambian kids in sweden who are destructive and hate themselves. those kids are like that because their parents have failed them (its not the first time i've had to mention how the older generation has let down the new generation - i have noticed that older Gambians are so inflexible to change that they think raising their kids the way they were raised back home is fine. us kids in the dispora have gone thru things that the older generation can't imagine. a new country comes with new problems, racism, discrimination in school and other things you can't imagine as an african. but still, parents should try to understand and help their kids but i've noticed that most Gambian parents are not flexible. some things Gambian kids can do back in Gambia they simply shouldn't do anyplace else. but some Gambian parents are sooo eager to have their kids be americanized or swedenized that they let them do whatever. how then can you blame the child for the way they turn out). obvioulsy you don't know me, my parents did not fail me, and if i was so self-destructive, i wouldn't care enough about gambia to even be on this website replying to post (why don't you merinate on that).
i don't know why you keep on saying i'm angry and agressive. i guess now you're used to women who don't talk back, don't expect me to be one of them.
stop insinuating things about me cause i can do the same to you.
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inez
279 Posts |
Posted - 01 May 2006 : 02:16:37
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Twinkly...Twinkly..
Your comments are red and my answers/comments are green
and have my hubby to give the men's side of things.So ur man told u what was going on...
It is not about power but rather about keeping harmony and truth. Whos truth?
This control thing you talk about, obviously these two people don't match.I don't think it is compromise but rather trust between the two partners
Those people matched well and they were very happy to begin with. And all her friends liked him and wanted them well. I don´t know what went wrong in his head.
I know my partner chooses his friends wisely, he knows I don't mix with certain people, maybe this is a good starting point for a couple to get on?Same ideas, similar thinking?
It can be easier for the couple but I believe one can learn a lot and have a very interesting life if both have their own ideas and different way of thinking. For me is enough that we have same values.I never had a need to control my partners friends or even like them because I think we all need to have some privacy and sometimes be with friends without the partner.That is what I call trust.
Could you not understand that your man might get jealous if he sees your best friend is running after men like a chicken, and you are with her all the time?What is he supposed to think?
What/ who are you talking about? Is this your experience and is this what your hubby said to you?
What you say makes me think of the man, what was his motiv?He must have had a reason to behave this way?
I believe his motiv was his need to control since there was no reason to it...Do u really believe that men who behave badly always has reason to it? Is that what you tell the kids when their mother is beaten to death by their father who is so jealous that she is not even allowed to talk to their teacher? Would you tell them that she shouldn´t have answered the phone when the teacher called their house? And tell me what reason has the president of the Gambia to behave the way he does? What did gambian people do to him?
I´m sorry to say but if all women thought like you, we still wouldn´t have right to vote...and we still wouldn´t have right to own/heritate any property, we still wouldn´t have right to marry who we want, ...to go to school, ...to have a job...It might be your ideal world but you can´t stop the progress. |
Edited by - inez on 01 May 2006 02:22:30 |
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kassma
334 Posts |
Posted - 01 May 2006 : 03:48:46
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quote:
Originally posted by inez
Twinkly...Twinkly..
Your comments are red and my answers/comments are green
and have my hubby to give the men's side of things.So ur man told u what was going on...
It is not about power but rather about keeping harmony and truth. Whos truth?
This control thing you talk about, obviously these two people don't match.I don't think it is compromise but rather trust between the two partners
Those people matched well and they were very happy to begin with. And all her friends liked him and wanted them well. I don´t know what went wrong in his head.
I know my partner chooses his friends wisely, he knows I don't mix with certain people, maybe this is a good starting point for a couple to get on?Same ideas, similar thinking?
It can be easier for the couple but I believe one can learn a lot and have a very interesting life if both have their own ideas and different way of thinking. For me is enough that we have same values.I never had a need to control my partners friends or even like them because I think we all need to have some privacy and sometimes be with friends without the partner.That is what I call trust.
Could you not understand that your man might get jealous if he sees your best friend is running after men like a chicken, and you are with her all the time?What is he supposed to think?
What/ who are you talking about? Is this your experience and is this what your hubby said to you?
What you say makes me think of the man, what was his motiv?He must have had a reason to behave this way?
I believe his motiv was his need to control since there was no reason to it...Do u really believe that men who behave badly always has reason to it? Is that what you tell the kids when their mother is beaten to death by their father who is so jealous that she is not even allowed to talk to their teacher? Would you tell them that she shouldn´t have answered the phone when the teacher called their house? And tell me what reason has the president of the Gambia to behave the way he does? What did gambian people do to him?
I´m sorry to say but if all women thought like you, we still wouldn´t have right to vote...and we still wouldn´t have right to own/heritate any property, we still wouldn´t have right to marry who we want, ...to go to school, ...to have a job...It might be your ideal world but you can´t stop the progress.
okay!! it is the 21st century, if we can go out there, work, be the head of households and everything, we should also get the respect the men used to get for doing these things. gender should not be an excuse to discriminate. |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 01 May 2006 : 06:03:23
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Well answered Inez!  |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 01 May 2006 : 15:16:59
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kassma, you asked for a sstory, i have posted one on bantaba before here is the short version. of how a family member can be spiteful if money is concerned. i got a young man a scholarship to college in Gambia, he called me in to ask for the money so that his mother could by ram for tobaski. I though houw could a mother stand in the way of ther sons progress, but other gambians on Bantaba adivised that this could be the way they are. In the same compound, one of his uncle knew that I wanted to help them with their education, I asked that they give me the boys school report, because i wanted to see if i could get him a scholarship in the first place, on the day i was leaving I was given an envelope with a school report, guess what it belong to the uncle.
If I had not had my wits about me I would have filled in visa, school, finance report the boy any to find that the uncle would have taken the papers.
Some of the families in gambia are mean but that is the world over, I am surprised that they would want to stop progress, or buy mobile phone and not pay school fees. What is fair to me is not fair to them.
I have other tales to tell but will save them for a rainy day.
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bamba
Sweden
401 Posts |
Posted - 01 May 2006 : 15:55:06
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Jambo, never be daunted. Am kind of laughing over your no-laughing experience, u have to excuse me. In poverty cultures, Honesty, is a new word to be written in dictionaries. Most gambians abroad have similar or worse stories in store.
For consolation, I refer u to what Lemon lime wrote somewhere, I cant still stop laughing over it. Lemon lime said, a dad can even use monies sent from abroad for the family to marry a second wife. It's a very likely possibility. In life no single disappointment or misery is unique. |
Bamba |
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 01 May 2006 : 17:43:49
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quote:
Originally posted by inez
and have my hubby to give the men's side of things.So ur man told u what was going on...
Please don't just pick out what suits you, I'll repeat again, I MIX WITH THE WOMEN, so therefore I get their sides first, and I have my own mind to make up, is it so bad to try and find out both sides to a story?
Or should I just judge because women should stick together?
Was this man by any chance from a different culture?If yes, then your answers are obvious to me, it takes a lot of learning and acceptance in a mixedrace relationship.Many people should leave their fingers from it, since they don't bother respecting each others culture and way of life.
I see it is pointless to answer the rest....We have very different views so lets leave it at that.
quote:
I´m sorry to say but if all women thought like you, we still wouldn´t have right to vote...and we still wouldn´t have right to own/heritate any property, we still wouldn´t have right to marry who we want, ...to go to school, ...to have a job...It might be your ideal world but you can´t stop the progress.
That might be true, but I'm happy the way I am.Not every woman has to be fierceful and fighting to get what she wants.I'm happy if I have a man who treats me fair and right.I don't need to fight for power in our relationship. |
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inez
279 Posts |
Posted - 01 May 2006 : 18:10:06
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| Twinkly, you just don´t get it and I can´t help it. I just wish you luck and hope that your relationship will last for ever. |
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bamba
Sweden
401 Posts |
Posted - 01 May 2006 : 18:53:30
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| Inez, if u can stand a joke, allow me say this. Your swedish feminish convictions do not fire well in Twinkly's domain. She is happy as she is. |
Bamba |
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 01 May 2006 : 19:03:26
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quote:
Originally posted by inez
Twinkly, you just don´t get it. I just wish you luck and hope that your relationship will last for ever.
Likewise
And thank you for your well-wishes |
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inez
279 Posts |
Posted - 01 May 2006 : 19:28:32
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quote:
Originally posted by bamba
Inez, if u can stand a joke, allow me say this. Your swedish feminish convictions do not fire well in Twinkly's domain. She is happy as she is.
 I have noticed she is happy as she is, thatswhy I wish her long and happy marriage.Sometimes I wish I was like her, let somebody take care of me, tell me what to think and who to talk with, bring me some money for daily food so I can stay at home with the kids...Bamba that was a joke |
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 01 May 2006 : 19:44:35
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quote:
Originally posted by inez
Sometimes I wish I was like her, let somebody take care of me, tell me what to think and who to talk with, bring me some money for daily food so I can stay at home with the kids
Why do you have to be rude now? Ask for the truth and you will get it, but don't just put rubbish in here about me like this.
You are being very unfair and childish.
This is not a joke, it is insulting. |
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LEMON TIME
Afghanistan
1295 Posts |
Posted - 01 May 2006 : 22:11:52
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| OOh you Lot give each other space as [Lemon Time] cant stop laughing |
There is no god but Allah |
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