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kaanibaa
United Kingdom
1169 Posts |
 Posted - 07 Jun 2008 : 22:18:36
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A LOVER'S JOURNEY
Richly laden with silt
You traverse myriad terrains
Meandering down steep slopes
To plains and valleys on your path
Futa Jallon being your sprouting point
En route you left foot prints
Indelible evidence of your passage
When you wriggle your slender waist
Your serpentine form prints
The shape of your route
On the fringes of which
Now lie rich islands
Filled with trees
Inhabited by baboons ,monkeys and birds
Following your trail too are crocodiles and hippos
Hunting for fish or food
Now and again you have rice fields
With Farming women toiling to feed the kids
Away though at the bantaba
Sat Pa Demba smoking his pipe in peace
Whilst others gossip
Or dream about the next new wife
But you heedless of all
Roll and keep on rolling
To meet your fated mate
Joining him at a point
Where you mate with joyous pomp
Neither of you caring for who is watching
It not being any ones concern
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jun 2008 : 02:35:55
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Thanks kaanibaa for taking us on a beautiful journey.
Peace
Sister Omega |
Peace
Sister Omega |
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MADIBA
United Kingdom
1275 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jun 2008 : 02:57:58
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Kaaniba this is classical poetry pure and simple!.
This poem sings the praise of the river Gambia. Which is sourced from Futa Jalon in Guinea. The undulating form of the river liken to a the shape of a well shaped woman.It undulates from upper river via central River to Barra,and apart the water body there is animal live too. The likes of the baboons and hippos.
The third and final stanza brings in real human lives and their daily economics.
The last line of the poem ends in a very exotic note, when the river(woman) meets and mates with her mate(the Atlantic).
Merci beaucoup Kaaniba |
madiss |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jun 2008 : 21:11:03
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Good one Kaanibaa. It is the River Gambia depicted here, like Madiss said.
How do you like these changes where the asterix are? Does this enhance the vividness of the images you create? Does the imagery of farming, hunting for example appear without saying those words? One of the beauties of poetry is its power to create a mental image in the readers without the actual words. Do you feel the rhythm with less words at "...trees
Baboons, monkeys, and birds
Crocodiles, and hippos..." ?
Thanks again.
A LOVER'S JOURNEY
Richly laden with silt
You traverse myriad terrains
Meandering steep slopes*
To plains and valleys on your path
Futa Jallon your sprouting point*
En route you left foot prints
Indelible evidence of your passage
When you wriggle your slender waist
Your serpentine form prints
The shape of your route
On the fringes of which
Now lie rich islands
Filled with trees
Baboons ,monkeys and birds*
Crocodiles and hippos*
Looking for food you left behind*
Now and again you have rice fields
Women toiling to feed young ones*
Away though at the bantaba
Sat Pa-Demba with pipe in peace*
Whilst others gossip
Or dream about the next new wife
But you heedless of all
Roll and keep on rolling
To meet your fated mate
Joining him at a point
Where you mate with joyous pomp
Neither of you caring for who is watching
It not being any ones concern
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Edited by - kayjatta on 08 Jun 2008 21:15:46 |
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kaanibaa
United Kingdom
1169 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 02:04:48
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| Thanks again sister Omega, Madiss and kay, Your encouragement is for me magic and I thank you once more.I just love the Gambia and nostalgia sends me on that journey with its beautiful river , where i figuratively commune with the flora fauna and most important see the people who inhabit the country. Kay I would like you to do with the poem any changes and accept your views without reservation. Dalton ;my cousin as my mum is Fula , too is invited to critique all my poems/rambles on the bantaba. This adds salt and pepper to the broth |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 08:42:09
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| Kaanibaa, you are very talented and at the same time very modest about it. Two enviable qualities! |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 12:08:00
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| A very creative fellow. I think there is a lot of future for his writing... |
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kaanibaa
United Kingdom
1169 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 12:22:31
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Guys I am so glad so thanks ,and so.....say
See me now
with hairs standing
Like on fire
Burning yeah burning
Just because you tickle my ego
Heaping platitudes on my plate
Eat I shall
But you shall join me
On that feisty day
I shall drink a toast
To Anna most beautiful
To Kay our Lion hearted pal
To Madiss the Frenchman we say merci
And most of all to Momodou the Torch bearer
I say thank you all |
Edited by - kaanibaa on 09 Jun 2008 12:27:56 |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 12:55:07
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| Wow that is touching. As always, thanks for sharing... |
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kiwi
Sweden
662 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 16:03:35
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So now you turn to praise-singing, jali Kaanibaa |
kiwi |
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kaanibaa
United Kingdom
1169 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 16:36:12
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| I will only accept this name if you will sponsor the name changing ceremony ,deal or no deal Kiwi? .Jalis are great don't you think so?. Except om my part it would be grossly pretentious to wear the shoes of the lowest of that group,if I accept the title it would only be as a joke ,seriously my friend.Me no poet or jali, may be a counterfeit jali would stick nicely. |
Edited by - kaanibaa on 09 Jun 2008 16:37:02 |
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kaanibaa
United Kingdom
1169 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 16:39:47
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| Oh by the way I just remember Kiwi ,being a fruit or a native of where-zealand? I shall sing a song for you if you permit but you then must pay bantaba the cost, A Maori dance on a posted video would do for me.Thanks for tickling me though yahooooooo!Lol! Kiwi |
Edited by - kaanibaa on 09 Jun 2008 16:40:23 |
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kiwi
Sweden
662 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 21:54:20
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Canīt shake a leg any more, sorry. It wouldnīt be a Maori dance anyway, Iīm imported fruit.
Yes, jalis are great. There used to be a jali singing at a certain restaurang on Kotu Beach, I went to ask for him last March but he wasnīt there any more. I wanted him to make a cassette for me, the old one was worn out.
You might not be jali, but poet, definitely. |
kiwi |
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kaanibaa
United Kingdom
1169 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 23:02:27
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| Okay then I give up for now,but i will try to come up with a song or poem this I shall dedicate to you. You do not have to dance your exotic namesake gives enough as food for thought .Something special in the bantaba store ,Kiwi,definitely can't be missed.Standby for now. |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 23:10:17
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| Kaanibaa, what a nice surprise - just saw your 'jali' poem (couldn't be bothered with Bantaba before, had to watch Holland win Italy easily with 3-0). I am flattered, but it's not platitudes that i am heaping on your plate, mind you - and why would i want to tickle your ego, anyway?? It was a heartfelt comment on my part! But thanks man, perhaps you'll be the next Jalibah Kuyateh. Do you play the kora? |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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kaanibaa
United Kingdom
1169 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2008 : 23:47:46
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| The kora would be too much , I would bruise my poor fingers, if not dislocate them. Plus, my dear ;my voice is not up to par with that of that grand Jaliba a very close friend and should I say very good composer, I am flattered by the comparison. Thanks for your comments, One day I shall show the comparisons to Jaliba, am sure he would have a good laugh, my god thanks . |
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