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Janyanfara
Tanzania
1350 Posts |
 Posted - 16 Mar 2006 : 23:22:11
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Yes my brother,
We are and still continue to be.So long as we remain the head of families and do nothing to uphold our head high with our own morals we shall keep failing.
Listen,Every woman is from a home,women can't do it alone we men anly talk and do nothing while the women toil and suffer for the family survival while men's only thinking is no problem when thwe first grows old,Men never grow old I will just have to look 4 a new baby to make me look younger thus bringing enless problems with disputes,fighting and divisions within your own siblings who come from several mothers.
How ever I may love you as my father,you expect me to show you my ever happy face when you always calls my mother stupid with strong slaps when ever ahe quarrels with my second mother or any of my 2nd,3rd or4th mothers.When she becomes the laughing stock in the compound forgetting the fact that I am your eldest son. The one expected to take over as the head of your house when you're gone to the land of the Ancestors?
How do you expect me to build closer relation with my half brothers and sisters when you keep siding with them when I want to teach what you tought me?...Morals.
My boy you know and I well know that the problems all lies on our shoulders and we've failed.Women are out of control because you expect and oldman of fifty to seventy thinking of marrying an eighteen yearold?An sometimes even your sons and daughters will be older than her.If that woman is not serious due to you the oldman's inability to satisfy her or maybe she never loved you but for your money, how will your childreen feel when they go to town or to their friends and meet their step mum in their house or hears serious things about that woman who happens to be their mun too due to the father's marriage to her?
I will never have a father who I will let to do such a thing.But in some cases,you cannot doanything about it.
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bamba
Sweden
401 Posts |
Posted - 17 Mar 2006 : 00:32:21
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| Some times certian postings cannot be easily deciphered, one hardly knows the head from the tail. But that's one of the beauties of forums. |
Bamba |
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 17 Mar 2006 : 00:48:24
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Bamba
You are right. The topic seems to be digressing here and there and sometimes hard to follow. This usually happens when a topic has lost its steam and side issues crop up. But you have rightly said that it is one of the beauties of forums. |
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” |
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Janyanfara
Tanzania
1350 Posts |
Posted - 17 Mar 2006 : 00:56:52
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| You know when some one asks a question,the gentle thing to do is to answer.Thats what takes a topic from one to another.But any topic can be right tracked as we are the readers and the writers at the sametime.Any thing written,gives some form of idea.Remember we are not writting a book OR story as Hadimul Rasoul Bamba rightly said,...The beauties of a forum. I think thats why its called BANTABA...In mandinka..."Chaakha dula" |
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kassma
334 Posts |
Posted - 21 Mar 2006 : 08:44:30
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quote:
Originally posted by bamba
The competitions amongst Gambian women in sweden, mostly wolofs and assimilated wolofs, are heart-breaking. They compete over who has the largest, most expensine gold collections; the most expensive furniture set at home; the most expensive bed, etc,etc. Such compititons have broken many Gambian marriages uphere. Sadly, some of the competitors come from very poor backgrounds at home.
i'm glad you pointed that out because it is an observation i've been making recently. really, its really easy to spot who recently just have money and who have always had money. the one who used to be poor, ba-door-la, are so flamboyant with their clothes its ridiculous. its the same reason why rappers flash their money to whoever is looking cause they want everyone to know they do have money NOW!  |
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kassma
334 Posts |
Posted - 21 Mar 2006 : 08:47:46
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quote:
Originally posted by brusubi
Well I don,t know much about wollof women, my wife is a karoninka.
But I don,t believe it is a tribal thing.
The biggest reason of mis using money is a lack of education, everytime when I am in Gambia I am surprised to see that most people can not calculate and have no clue about how much money they have or how to count money. we in Europe are thought the value of money and how to count it at very young age, in Gambia most women don,t know it, if they have a couple of hundred dalasis they think they are rich and can buy anything they like because they don,t know how to make a spending budget or how to calculate how much they have. How can they know? when they were young in a lot of communities there was hardly any money going around so how can they know how to use it?
She always tells me that you have to spend all your money imediately, the more you spend the higher is your faith in god and the more he will reward you with more money.
So all these factors make it not wise to just give money to a needy family because the risk that the family will spend it on something that you consider to be unusefull is too big.better help them directly
regards
roger
sadly, i know what you're talking about. my family like to critize me cause i am all about the bank. and they're constantly trying to tell me that the more you give people money, the more will come back to you, WHAT!! really, its good to be generous, but not at the point that you're financially unstable |
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 21 Mar 2006 : 21:58:29
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the culture of waste is what is affecting us. It is not suprising to visit homes with 5 cell phones costing an anual income but school fees are not paid or utilities have been disconnected. We have misplaced and misguided priorities.
I think life could be better if we watch our finances back at home. There is a lot of patronage and competition as to who buys the most expensive attires. Some people have to buy new clothes for each occassion which is ridiculous |
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” |
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sankahjang
USA
78 Posts |
Posted - 21 Mar 2006 : 22:06:20
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You are right. it is of course a wonderful thing to help the people around you,if you can, but every body has to be wise enough not to do this in a way that you will fall you back to the same state with the ones you are helping.One other thing that i think make many people fail is the showy mentality that they have. Most people care more about what others will say about them than what they need/have to do.if that is not the case, the lady in the question will not spent that money on ram knowing that her son's progress is risked.And the same mentality might have been cultivated in the son's head and hence he has no reason to challenge that move.And i think this has a lot to do with what janyafara has said.It all starts from the head of the family. If you teach your family to save money for real needs, i think they will. But if you teach them to feel like squndering it and begging someone tomorow will work for them, thats what they will do . |
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kassma
334 Posts |
Posted - 21 Mar 2006 : 22:18:03
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quote:
Originally posted by sankahjang
You are right. it is of course a wonderful thing to help the people around you,if you can, but every body has to be wise enough not to do this in a way that you will fall you back to the same state with the ones you are helping.One other thing that i think make many people fail is the showy mentality that they have. Most people care more about what others will say about them than what they need/have to do.if that is not the case, the lady in the question will not spent that money on ram knowing that her son's progress is risked.And the same mentality might have been cultivated in the son's head and hence he has no reason to challenge that move.And i think this has a lot to do with what janyafara has said.It all starts from the head of the family. If you teach your family to save money for real needs, i think they will. But if you teach them to feel like squndering it and begging someone tomorow will work for them, thats what they will do.
remember, the son could have had a problem with it but what could he do. when it comes to money,people think its HORRIBLE to deny your parents money when you have it, and to an extent that's true. but also, remember, Gambians are raised to follow their parent's wishes. if he didn't give up the money, his family could have probably jumped on him. i think since he's smart enough to want a degree, he knew his education is more important but had no choice but to give up the money. |
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Janyanfara
Tanzania
1350 Posts |
Posted - 29 Mar 2006 : 00:49:11
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You maybe right or wrong Gassma,
But I think the boy should really think of how many tobaski sheep and cattle would that little morney yield if he had chosen to refuse his mother for once and pay for his education no matter what.
When I was young,my father could not afford a ram 4 tobaski but now,even 100 rams if he want he can ask us to buy for him and there would be no problem.Its true that we have to gi in to our parents but not always.Please this is true not always.If we had given in all the time to our parents,then we are going to be as stagnant as they are.I remember my dad used to shout at us when we refuse him certain things..."Look I am your Father and I educate you now you refuse to my request why?But now that he has five of his childreen abroad,He has realised his mistake and keeps thanking God for my then hot headedness as he used to call me(The disrespectful child no wonder he cannot keep his marriage) for I used to be the one convincing the others not to yield to every request.But now I am the best again..(Laughs)Parents are sometimes a big problem.If we had given in,he was going to blame us for our failures. |
Edited by - Janyanfara on 29 Mar 2006 00:55:54 |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 29 Mar 2006 : 09:56:45
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Hello, I originally thought that I had mis understood some of the replies. my heart was in the right place I think education is the way forward, but did not factor in tribal issues. So here is an update, He is not in college, at home doing small bits of work. His attitude has changed, he realises that this month he would have registered for college, been studying and looking forward. It never entered my head his mother would take away his fees and that he would not answer her back, but that is my culture, his culture is yu do as your parents request, this includes marriage, education were you live. This is to do with tribal ways.
unfortunately that is something I cannot change, if I do they become more european and loose some african ways. What do other people think. regards
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 29 Mar 2006 : 10:21:01
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Jambo
I think you could be firm.People need to learn that not everything they do is good and beneficial.
My hubby and his bro in Europe have sent tens of thousands over the years and it's all gone nowhere.Now he only sends to his parents if they need any(they are very modest)and his oldest brother in Gambia feels now shame, he can't look him in the eye because he realised why.We helped the younger brothers who work very hard and support the whole compound, to open up a bank account, they are over the moon because they see their money grow.You can help people in a subtle way, without being rude or causing an argument.Gambians are very clever people, because actions speak louder than words, there is no need to say things, it's what you do.So if you don't help out, they will start to think why, and if they have some sense they should realise.
I know this is family, but even with strangers, if you want to help, I think you should politely lay the rules down.After all, they can take it or leave it.
And just because they are poor does not mean that we have to shove everything their way.It needs to be beneficial.
(Now I hope I haven't offended anybody )
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 29 Mar 2006 : 15:40:11
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hi there, thank you for that, but why should I be firm, it is there choice as you say, I did lay down the rules but yu cannot change tribal ways.
I think the older boy is feeling it now, a ram for one day, or college for 8 months and a future. I pointed this ut to him. Also his mother is now shamed because she has had a few comments from neighbours who have pointed out that it would have been prestigious for him to be at college.
regards
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kajaw
70 Posts |
Posted - 30 Mar 2006 : 17:47:41
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Bamba,
Grow up please!! How could you make such sweeping statements. It is highly irresponsible to group wolofs in the manner you did. Just accept it appologise for it and move on. We all make mistakes. In this case you did and you are wrong. I am mandinka but i know many wolof women who are descent loving and caring people and they certainly would be offended by your lack of sensivity |
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Janyanfara
Tanzania
1350 Posts |
Posted - 30 Mar 2006 : 23:50:16
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I am now moved the boy and parents have realised the mistake.
Well my heart is touched.Is there anyway I can help him?I mean I am going to be in Banjul next week.I just want it to be a surprise gift to the family.I can ask our charity to lend me some cash to pay for him even if I will refund back.I want to cry looking at my three chids with me in Uk and how I was when I was their age...My God I know you are the MASTER and capable of changing life when someone strive hard and turn to You.
Please let me if there is anything I can do.I have done our shopping if not I could have said a very strong promise.But I don't have morney here,My Gambian account,well I only hope my sister didn't finish every thing to satisfy her husband for I gave her a power of attorney(Not much was there so no worries). |
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