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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
 Posted - 31 May 2007 : 22:50:16
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In Gambia do people usually marry within their own village? How common is it to marry a cousin? Do parents have a big say in who you marry? Presumably most Muslims marry Muslims.
Do you usually marry someone of a similar financial and social background?
Is it acceptable for you to go to coast or another village and chose a bride/groom that isnt known to the family and could be from a different tribe?
If you do that are their any consequenses for you and your family?
If you wanted to marry a westerner would your family be for it or against it? What reasons would they give?
In the UK up till around 20 years ago most people married within their class, and colour and religion. They probably would marry someone from the same area whose family would be known to the family. This is safe, but claustrophobic and genetically not always very healthy.
These days in UK people go to college, university, travel on gap years, move to different cities and are less under the influence of their family. Religion and colour seem much less important and therefore more mixed marriages happen. Ideologically I think that is fantastic, but on an individual basis it is more risky than playing safe amongst the local population.
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Naraloo
16 Posts |
Posted - 02 Jun 2007 : 17:37:05
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Bev, like most things it depends on the individual and the family concerned. Some families are more accepting than others. My husband's family were very welcoming to me and I have not experienced any problems. He is still very close to them and he explained to them that after living in London for many years he would be very unlikely to marry a Gambian girl. A friend's family are much more keen for him to marry from his tribe, although I do not think this is common and can be viewed as quite old fashioned. Most villages consist of more than one tribe so and often it is difficult to tell because Gambians are often fluent in more than one (sometimes 4) tribal languages.
As for the Muslim question, again this depends. Strictly speaking the Muslim men have more choice to marry outside the religion to a Christian or Jewish woman. Muslim women are supposed to only marry Muslim men. But as you know Gambia is a very mixed and tolerant society, so this will again depend on the individual. |
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Naraloo
16 Posts |
Posted - 02 Jun 2007 : 17:43:04
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Ps it would highly unlikely that two potential Gambian spouses would ever be entirely unknown to each others' families. I have met Gambians all over the world and we can always trace some common connection due to extended families and the close community.
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 03 Jun 2007 : 19:56:45
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| Thanks for that, a very interesting reply. |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jun 2007 : 08:33:50
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Gambiabev , Naraloo is right that it will very much depend on individuals. Different people have different philosophies of life.Many Gambians today marry outside their tribe (and home town) without objection from their parents (family). I have done it and most of my friends did it too.
Most people in the Gambia today live away from their parents and home town pretty early due to education and work , and so they make independent decisions about their lives without the interference of their parents.Besides , many parents also learned from past experiences to support their children's wishes rather than oppose and antagonize them.
Most Gambians could marry a Westerner without serious objection from their families.If my parents can tolerate me , i am sure they can tolerate my Western spouse. Afterall , most Gambians like me are not culturally thoroghbred. During the course of education , work , travel and other forms of socialization we have interacted with so much diversity ,culture and behavior wise , i (and i am sure many Gambians) cannot claim to be purely African and Mandingo.One of my good American friends always "accuse" me of being Westernized , and I always reply that no I am only modernized.
From a genetic perspective the further away you marry outside your family the bigger the chance for the survival of your offsprings. So out-breeding (inter-marriage) is smart.
Today marriage is more of a contract between two individuals rather than between families as in the past. Family history is perhaps inconsequential in today's marriages; rather the success of a marriage depends more on how much the partners know and trust each other. |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jun 2007 : 08:56:17
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It is the same in UK. My grandparents generation married fairly early and usually to a childhood sweetheart probably from the same village or town. The families would know each others background. A wedding was considered the bringing together of two families. They would socialise together at times such as holidays an christmas.
Now people go to college more, move away for work etc...They are less under their parents control and make their own choices. A wedding is seen as a day for the couple rather than bringing the families together.
In some UK communities ( such as Pakistani) it is preferred to have an arranged marriage to a cousin (often a first cousin). This is very unhealthy genetically as it decreases the gene pool and makes illness more likely. Every now and again someone needs to marry outside the narrow group to keep the bloodline healthy. |
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Lily
United Kingdom
422 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jun 2007 : 09:58:37
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| Is marriage only about children then? |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jun 2007 : 10:27:46
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Oh no, not only about children, but if you want children it makes sense to try to give them the chance of being as healthy as possible. When I married my husband we married because we loved each other and wantd to spend our lives together. Very simple when it is right.  Children came second, from our love for each other. Even though I am now divorced I dont regret that marriage or my children. We still have a burial plot and joke that we may end up together in the end after all!!!!   |
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kayjatta
2978 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jun 2007 : 10:42:39
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The primordial reason for marriage is children. From a purely evolutionary point of view "marriage" become necessary in higher mammals and to some extent other animals with long periods of gestation and child rearing.
The long period of pregnancy and child rearing ,especially in humans requires the help of the male in providing food and protection for the mother and the infant. The best way to assure this assistance is to pin him (the male) down to a marriage. It must have been a woman's idea. But since the male started providing , he insists on faithfulness .
Human beings are perhaps the only creatures on earth that have taken sex and sexuality outside the context of procreation(making babies). Other animals only have sex at or about ovulation, period ,and during pregnancy sex is generally a no no.Perhaps we marry for other (ulterior)reasons too.
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 04 Jun 2007 : 11:00:50
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quote:
In Gambia do people usually marry within their own village? How common is it to marry a cousin? Do parents have a big say in who you marry? Presumably most Muslims marry Muslims.
i have observed many gambians who have married outside their village but within their region, they met at school or some collective ceremony.
christian gambians have married muslims and live happily, but they discussed things before the marriage took place, regarding children the male side takes prescedence, but the mother still has an influence as well as her family. the reason they work is becuase they have respect for each other.
class plays a big part in this, as children mix in schools, if they go to a private school they are mixing with their own class and develop their own levels but understand that they will marry one of their own, but this could be social, tribal, religious boundaries.
i have not met many educated people who have married uneducated people. Problems start when people marry against common sense, ie they have no common background to start off with or no family, because they have married someone the family does not approved of. |
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electric
United Kingdom
28 Posts |
Posted - 05 Jun 2007 : 13:05:12
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I have a very typical example where a girl in the Kombo (Serrekunda area) met a Senegalese welder and fell in love. The man has a wife in Senegal and much older than her..she's about 26 years old.
The point is the whole family are so furious with her and are even threatening to disown her or even throw her out of the family house if she goes ahead and marry this man.
The reason: He's a foreigner, older and from a different class distinction.
So there is still so many problems that can hinder the union of two people in LOVE.
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 05 Jun 2007 : 18:49:55
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| true electric . even in u.k class play a role in some marraiges .i remember the marriage of the rothchild family in london three years ago ,this are millionaires union. human assume higher social status than each other and althought we try to say education and advancement should change this but heey who said people still don't maintain there peculiar differences. many marry the man for love but many women/men wants to marry a secure partner in terms of job and housing. this is basic truth. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 05 Jun 2007 : 19:26:07
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Finding a marriage partner was called match making. ie finding a good match for a person.
Religion, social status, financial situation, looks, political view, age etc all play a part.
But at the end of the day there is just that magic ingredient called CHEMISTRY. No one can predict that. That is what makes love so exciting and makes life GREAT! |
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