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Lily
United Kingdom
422 Posts |
 Posted - 18 Feb 2007 : 19:19:50
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| Thanks for the info - good ideas jambo |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 18 Feb 2007 : 20:18:23
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go for it  |
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 19 Feb 2007 : 10:11:19
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Inez I keep thinking what would have happened to that lady if you didn't offer financial support.....
Of course a woman has to get on with her "new" husband but that's all it is.There are no romantic feelings, as long as he is a good provider and a decent person.Sounds harsh but not all women think like we do.And you said yourself that family was very nice, so I wonder what the reason is for her not wanting to stay.
Your last postings rang a bell though.....you having to look for a husband and then of course one in Sweden please.......I'm sure the girl would have just got on with her options and be on her way to live her life. But there is this possibility of travelling to Europe, single, free.....
Like Jambo says you do have your heart in the right place but maybe money isn't always the answer |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 19 Feb 2007 : 10:37:04
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| twinkly, thank you for your words, it is one reason that people withdraw their help, because without it life goes she would have managed, maybe her decision would not have been to inex liking but she would have had a life |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 19 Feb 2007 : 11:09:10
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| So Jambo and twinkly, would you like to marry someone you don't love? Would you like to have to face having sex with them because you have no power and no choice?! I doubt it very much!!! Women in African villages are women them same as me or you, with the same emotions and feelings. The only difference is the lack of opportunity. |
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 19 Feb 2007 : 12:41:17
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Gambiabev I can't understand where you get this thing from about women having no choice.You believe that EVERY African woman is treated badly and unfairly and held like a slave and treated like an animal. It hurts me to see people think like this.....What a bad mind
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mbay
Germany
1007 Posts |
Posted - 19 Feb 2007 : 12:53:22
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Here is 2 feminist , so men run for cover !  |
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toubab1020
12314 Posts |
Posted - 19 Feb 2007 : 13:15:34
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quote:
Originally posted by mbay
Here is 2 feminist , so men run for cover !
No need Bro, you may remember that I left earlier! |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 19 Feb 2007 : 13:53:30
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good morning bev
i do not remember mentioning the SXX word,  and i am not sure twinkly did BUT I DO REMEMBER mentioning empowerment for the lady so that she would have independence for herself and family, so can i ask where did you see this and what brought on such a negative reply 
did you read something between the lines |
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 19 Feb 2007 : 20:56:01
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Wife inheritance traditionally is meant to protect the deceased children inheritance to ensure that it doesn't get whittled away by a an unscrupulous man. The logic behind it is, if a woman was to remarry and her husband was devious he could easily spend the children's inheritance before they come of age to benefit from it. The woman is under no complusion to marry her brother-in-law, and she can take her children with her but their inheritance will remain in their paternal family to they become of age. Children have the right at the age of twelve to decide whether they wish to remain with their mother or live with the family. But depending on the means of the paternal family compared to their mother it maybe in their best interest to live with their fathers family.
Eventually this traditional will die out as more women and girls become educated and financially independent. Inez if you need evidence about the law on child residency you can get the information from the Gambian court. I have inside information from one of my contacts who has spent many years hearing such cases. However don'ttake my word for it just go to a Gambian court of law and find out for yourself.
Peace
Sister Omega. |
Peace
Sister Omega |
Edited by - Sister Omega on 19 Feb 2007 21:09:42 |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 20 Feb 2007 : 13:24:24
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The inheritance laws are similar in the Uk. When I was married, ifmy husband had died before his mother, I wouldnt have inherited her money, it would have been held for my children to inherit when they came of age. So I couldnt have spent it on toy boys or world cruises!
Most things in societies do have a practical element that I acknowledge and respect. The inheritance lines are important in most societies.
The thing I find hard to imagine is the mother being physically separated from her children. That is because I couldnt bear it myself. Until my children were teenagers I hardly spent a night away from them and when I did I missed them so much. Now they are older Ihave to get used to them separating themselves from me. My nest will soon be empty. |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 21 Feb 2007 : 09:47:11
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THNAK YOU FOR EXPLAINATION SISTER OMEGA, I KNEW IT WAS A PRACTICAL ELEMENT AND NOT A SEXUAL THING.
in the old days it was necessary but as more women get empowered this will not be needed |
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inez
279 Posts |
Posted - 24 Feb 2007 : 00:33:30
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quote:
Originally posted by jambo
twinkly, thank you for your words, it is one reason that people withdraw their help, because without it life goes she would have managed, maybe her decision would not have been to inex liking but she would have had a life
So please tell me jambo about the decision she could have made that I didnīt like? Of course her life goes on even if I withdraw my help but then she might have been forced to take a decision she didnīt like. And I would feel so bad about not helping her. Sometimes I also think that if every wellthy family in west helped one poor family somewhere, somehow, it would make a small diffrence for us but maybe a big one for them. Of course life goes on and people are used to struggle and survive but it should not need to be so hard all the time. Iīm not really sure what you are trying to say here but somehow it makes me to be the one who decides over her? Let me once again tell you that it all started before I even got to Gambia...she was the one to talk about it..n of course if you two want you can twist it to anything...to money,,,to husband in west bla bla blaa...the fact is that she loved her husband and met him before her family did, it was her choice...even if it sounds romantic to you, what or who says that african women/men doesnīt know about romantic love? Then you have not been there around Valentines day are you two saying they only know about money? mmm? what does it say about you. Does it matter that the girl met this first husband when she was studying in town...does it make any difference that they lived in town all the time? Life is changing when one moves from village to towns and one will get new ideas and see new things that might change their minds totally. Bev said something about how it would feel to have sex with someone you donīt like and then you go on like "who said something about sex here?" I think Twinkly said it was just for the girl to go on with the new husband? and I think sex is a part of the marriage...what kind of marriages have you been into Jambo? If you havenīt been married, ask Twinkly how it "goes on", I know she has children For me it looks like you Twinkly donīt really feel that this girl has any right to marriage with someone she loves or likes since you donīt believe african/gambian/poor women dont need that??? There might be happy lives in practical marriages too and all men are not beating there wifes, but still,some women want more than that these days. How can you say Twinkly that the husband needs only to be a good provider, what about your husband? thought you told before that you worked and did everything for your family becuse he is ill? Why donīt you divorce him and find yourself a better and stronger husband/provider or is that different because you are european and white and has money, thatswhy you can be married out of love. Sorry guys, You are all wrong about this girl, she doesnīt want a european husband because she is a colddigger, she wants it because she believes all europeans are nice like me...
HI Lily, the amount Iīm talking about is 150 000 dls, atleast. But then it is a good investment for many years...and will help the whole family..for all those years...I might be grazy by doing this but I will still do it.
Before buying nails or extentions from europe for expencive money check the local markets first, those things can be bought at serrekunda market very cheaply...check the local market before importing...
Have a nice weekend!
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Edited by - inez on 24 Feb 2007 08:43:48 |
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inez
279 Posts |
Posted - 24 Feb 2007 : 09:23:26
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quote:
Originally posted by twinkly
Inez I keep thinking what would have happened to that lady if you didn't offer financial support.....
Of course a woman has to get on with her "new" husband but that's all it is.There are no romantic feelings, as long as he is a good provider and a decent person.Sounds harsh but not all women think like we do.And you said yourself that family was very nice, so I wonder what the reason is for her not wanting to stay.Your last postings rang a bell though.....you having to look for a husband and then of course one in Sweden please.......I'm sure the girl would have just got on with her options and be on her way to live her life. But there is this possibility of travelling to Europe, single, free.....
Like Jambo says you do have your heart in the right place but maybe money isn't always the answer
I just canīt let this go even if I know I should since this is no good for my bloodpressure
- How do you know what/how all women think in Europe/ Africa? What do you mean by saying that not all women think like we do? Like we do? I do not think like you very often and Iīm just happy for that. In my world even women have right to happiness.
- Even if I think the family was nice or the guy was nice, doesnīt necessarily mean that she feel the same way or that she needs to marry him. Of course if it was me to get married to him, that would have mattered. And maybe they just acted nice when I was there? Cows are nice too but nobody marries them..I hope...
- ..this possibility of travelling to Europe, single and free...I do hope you enjoyed yourself when you were single and free, or you didnīt and miss it now? Why should that be out of her options? If she wants to come to Europe and has the opportunity, why not? It would be great to have her around but she needs to come and visit here first because Iīm not sure she would like the life here. Or is the issue here that once again..."we" have right to go to Gambia and meet someone we marry...but women/men there should not have the same freedom to come to Europe? I have lived in 3 different countries in Europe and I have moved twice because I wanted to have change to better life, to get work, to get education and then better work...that is the way how many people function, they want better life and if they want it in Europe, they should be allowed to atleast try it.
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 24 Feb 2007 : 10:43:40
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Inez... Or is the issue here that once again..."we" have right to go to Gambia and meet someone we marry...but women/men there should not have the same freedom to come to Europe?
I agree with you if only African passport holders have the freedom of movement EU passport holders have then we would even be discussing a quarter of the issues we do on the bantabaa.
Inez it would make a difference if more people lobbied EU government on their immigration rules on freedom of movement.
Your friend doesn't need to be a victim if she wants to be free then she can be. I presume your friend has young children, if so then the issue here is the childrens inheritance. The family will not allow another man to squander the childrens' inheritance. Your friend is probably not as powerless as she think she is has been made to believe. If she's educated then she can find ways and means of making money to raise her children. She is entitled to One quarter of her husband's inheritance depending on his resources, she maybe able to make a start at something.
Is your friend looking for a saviour to solve all her problems only Our Creator can do that. Of course we all need assistance and encouragement from time to time but I think it is good to exercise detachment. There is nothing wrong with assisting your friend through her situation and yes if you can support her that would be good in empowering her. But ultimately she needs to make a decision one way or another. After all no matter what society we live in their are social constraints.
However reading between the lines it seems from what you are saying is that your friend wants to leave Gambia to come to Europe in search of a better life, and no doubt her intentions are to return back to Gambia in the future in a better position. And there is nothing wrong with this aspiration which is shared by migrants from around the world who are victims of an unjust system, which limits the freedom of movement of people from Non EU and US countries.
Keep us posted on what happens to her.
Peace
Sister Omega.
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Peace
Sister Omega |
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