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jambo
3300 Posts |
 Posted - 24 Feb 2007 : 11:54:16
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inez, i read your posting, what happened i thought that you were helping her to help herself because some of the decisions that were open to her you might not like. ITS AS SIMPLE AS THAT, if she chose to marry the family choice, you might not like it, if she chose to marry the brother your might not like it, that is what i meant but like sister omega, i am reading between the lines here.
SHE HAD A CHOICE, you were giving her another option, to support herself with a business, marrying a european and living in europe that is another choice YOU ARE HELPING HER
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2007 : 01:16:47
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quote:
I have lived in 3 different countries in Europe and I have moved twice because I wanted to have change to better life, to get work, to get education and then better work...that is the way how many people function, they want better life and if they want it in Europe, they should be allowed to atleast try it.
I can't argue with that of course, but why all this negative talk before about how poorly this woman got treated?
Just say you want to support this woman and bring her to Europe....why this big discussion? The brother and sister actually want you to find her a husband and are happy for her to go to Europe, so you have their support, why critisising the cultural aspects? I don't get it.
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inez
279 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2007 : 19:38:55
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quote:
Originally posted by jambo
inez, i read your posting, what happened i thought that you were helping her to help herself because some of the decisions that were open to her you might not like. ITS AS SIMPLE AS THAT, if she chose to marry the family choice, you might not like it, if she chose to marry the brother your might not like it, that is what i meant but like sister omega, i am reading between the lines here.
SHE HAD A CHOICE, you were giving her another option, to support herself with a business, marrying a european and living in europe that is another choice YOU ARE HELPING HER
what happened
Yes, what happened? I just tried to explain about the options she said she had for some months ago and the options she thinks she has now or would like to have in future. I think she got the idea of marrying someone from europe because time is going and she did not meet anyone she wants to marry in Gambia, I donīt think that wish has been any nr 1 to her.I might be wrong but she has never before said anything about that. I am trying to give her an option by helping them to have a business because I think that would be the best for her since I still believe she would prefer staying in Gambia (and remarry to someone she likes)...If Iīm wrong and she wants to come to Europe later on, she can always come and visite me and see how it is here. The problem right now is that I donīt have the money yet for any business and that makes her stressed. What else happened??? I tried to explain that this is not about me liking the options she had to begin with, if she wanted to marry the brother she would have done it and I wouldnīt have said anything at all. But if she is crying that she doesnīt want to do that, or that she doesnīt want to marry her fathers old friend, should I tell her to still do it? Because the tradition says/said that? If she doesnīt like that tradition, and there is no law that says she has to do it, should I decide that for her? This is the last time I try to explain that she has her own ideas and I am not a kind of person who force people to anything since I would not like that myself. Maybe there is something wrong with my english since that is so difficult to understand. She is grown up with her own brain and own wishes but because she is poor and canīt live the life she wants, something in your posting says that I am the one trying to give her bad ideas. Sorry but itīs not true, she is not mentally weak or less intelligent. |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2007 : 19:54:43
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Inez, read my postings
i quote you "She is grown up with her own brain and own wishes but because she is poor and canīt live the life she wants, something in your posting says that I am the one trying to give her bad ideas. Sorry but itīs not true, she is not mentally weak or less intelligent."
my posting have been to help her help herself by offering some financial assitance to enable her to get a business. What has stopped you from doing this.
i am sure it is not postings on this site.
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inez
279 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2007 : 20:55:39
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quote:
Originally posted by twinkly
quote:
I have lived in 3 different countries in Europe and I have moved twice because I wanted to have change to better life, to get work, to get education and then better work...that is the way how many people function, they want better life and if they want it in Europe, they should be allowed to atleast try it.
I can't argue with that of course, but why all this negative talk before about how poorly this woman got treated?
Just say you want to support this woman and bring her to Europe....why this big discussion? The brother and sister actually
want you to find her a husband and are happy for her to go to Europe, so you have their support, why critisising the cultural aspects? I don't get it.
Why this big discussion of the poor woman? Or anything at all? If you donīt like discussions, you donīt need to participate. Maybe I wanted to find out how common the tradition was, or hear other peoples ideas and thoughts about it...and your ideas I disliked a lot since women like you want to stop the developement. Most men donīt like this tradition but are also forced into it. The world is changing eather you like it or not. If it didnīt there would still be slavery and you would not have been able to marry your husband. And if everything in this world could be expressed with one sentence, there might not be any Bantaba in cyberspace...
If people have traditions they donīt like and want to critisise those...and tell that to me...I do critisise some traditions we have in Europe or they have in US and I can do it without any punishment, so why not? I have also right to dislike presidents, politicions and governments and lots of things that are not good for a group of people or individuals so why shouldnīt I do that? But I do never travel to any country and disrespect people or their traditions. I do not start preaching any western ideas to anybody since some of ideas we have are really bad. I love the way african families function and the idea of taking care of and helping each other and I hate the way we live here, separeted from each other and being on your own, sticking to your "own" small family. If someone fall down on the street people just climb over the person and donīt want to get involved...I understand that both "traditions" or ways of living comes out of practical reasons and there is positive and negative with both ways. "our" lifestyle doesnīt put the pressure on the oldest son in the family becuse we all have a freedom/are forced to find our way to make our living. Men here donīt need to have lotīs of money to marry someone. Women/men move out from their parents before they get married and donīt even need to do that ever. People donīt stay with anyones parents after getting married. Men donīt have several wifes ...but might have a mistress somewhere..But we all need to find a work outside of our homes and leave our small children to daycares and just have very small time every evening to spend with them..at the same time we need to do shopping and cooking and washing and cleaning... The grandparents live mostly far a way or are busy with their own life, working until the age of 65 and wonīt be looking for their grandchildren, maybe they meet twice a year and never get to know eachother well...of course some people are rich enough to hire someone to clean their houses and look after their children but they are not so many. Kids heritate equal part when parents die, but they canīt always take out their share untill both of them die since the widow/er has right to 50% and kids together 50%..so there are good and bad in every lifestyle and the most difficult thing is to be standing in the middle and having one foot in each...and hoping for some kind of combination of only good things..no jealousy or favourites between wifes or children, no running out with kids early on the morning to get to work on time, and then running back in the evening..living like robots after the time....ooh, am I talking too much Twinkly? Or about wrong things? I think you will let me know... |
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