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toubab1020
12314 Posts |
 Posted - 13 Feb 2007 : 00:48:15
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quote:
Originally posted by kondorong
May be only you. The government forgets if we really exist. We are not on the Gambian map unfortunately.
I refer you to my new signature !!!! |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 13 Feb 2007 : 07:09:24
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the topic can be clearly clarify by the surah an-nisa charpter 4 verse 19 . i quote ''o you who believe ! you are forbidden to inherit women against their will; and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the mahr (bridal money or gold )you have given them ,unless they commit open sexual intercourse; and live with them honourably. if you dislike them ,it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it great deal of good .
we are correct on the fact that it is wrong catergorically for the family of the late husband to inherit the lady . |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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kiwi
Sweden
662 Posts |
Posted - 13 Feb 2007 : 11:40:47
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quote:
Originally posted by kondorong
We are not on the Gambian map unfortunately.
I think I know where Yoro Bawol is situated. If it is the same as Yarobawal, there is a road from Basse Santa Su up to Yoro Bawol. Itīs on my map. |
kiwi |
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toubab1020
12314 Posts |
Posted - 13 Feb 2007 : 12:38:07
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| Well Kons, is that the place ? |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 13 Feb 2007 : 18:51:55
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| I am hapy you know where we live. The Area Council does not unfortunately. |
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mbay
Germany
1007 Posts |
Posted - 13 Feb 2007 : 19:12:28
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Greeting from Sareh Alfa .
Now i'm out of darkness because the was always suspension or unclear to me and know now why Kon. is jesting about Serahueleh people .
Now remains for me to find out where the Badibou is 
Lemon T 
quote:
Originally posted by kiwi
I think I know where Yoro Bawol is situated. If it is the same as Yarobawal, there is a road from Basse Santa Su up to Yoro Bawol. Itīs on my map.
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 13 Feb 2007 : 19:54:14
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Mbay
I am a Sarahuleman in a Fual Village(Yoro Bawol). But that is not strange in the gambia.
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Okudodukita
Angola
4 Posts |
Posted - 14 Feb 2007 : 12:05:25
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| kON:Do learn how to make a Tongea/kohllo, as a Blacksmith they are very good or you can stand after their LEACHE /YARRAMU |
Société together we stand and togther we fall |
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inez
279 Posts |
Posted - 16 Feb 2007 : 20:57:43
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Thanks a lot Santanfara, Kondorong and Bev...and the others too who really cleared out the map of the Gambia
I do understand the practical reason to some traditions but I thought they are disappearing more and more, just wanted to find out how common it is.
What upset me most is that her mother donīt let her back home because she now "belongs" her late husbands family...and also the fact that they all started talking about new marriage when she still was very sad and crying. Maybe if they had waited a bit longer she could have agreed since the brother is very peaceful and kind. Of course they canīt force her to anything but if she wants to stay with her daughter, she needs to marry the brother and she canīt go back to her parents. What can she do, she has no money or paid job and before I can help her, its going to be very difficullt for her.
I heard about this tradition before all this happened but then we mostly joked about it with my boyfriends brother since they look like they could be twins and he is also a really nice person...hmmm
Something else I could think of is to have 2 or 3 co-wifes...but only if I no longer loved my husband and didnīt want to spend every night with him There is also something else that would be nice with that kind of family (if I could pick out the other wifes )...more people to share all boring domestic work with...someone to chat with all the time...children have plenty of sisters and brothers to play with and all we women together could give the husband really hard time if he behaved bad
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 16 Feb 2007 : 22:33:20
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Inez, are you serious? I suppose not.
This subject was discussed before. I told my mother-in-law's story on Bantaba: when her husband (whom she loved very much) died at at young age, leaving her with two boys of 2 and 5, this was her choice: go back to her own village to live with her parents again and make a new life for herself but leave her boys behind with her late husband's family or stay with her children in her husband's village. She chose the latter and in the end had no choice but to be her husband's younger brother's 3rd wife. The man treated her and her boys very badly (and i mean BADLY) until he died (but she had 9 other children with him), and so did his other wives. Now my partner, who was the little 5-year old, is taking care of the whole family and he is also helping the families of his stepfather's 1st and 2nd wives. These things can make me very angry and and i feel so sorry for my mother-in-law (who, after 11 children and a lot of beatings is fortunately still a very impressively beautiful woman, she doesn't know her age but i estimate her to be something 63/64) that she only knew true love for such a short period of her life. She never had the chance to find a man whom she could truly love again.
It would be great if the attitude towards 'wife-inheritance' would change radically. Maybe it has in the coastal areas, but i have my doubts about the villages up-country.
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When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 16 Feb 2007 : 22:39:00
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| People dont inherit wives. It does not exist. I feel offended with the word inherit. |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 16 Feb 2007 : 22:52:11
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| It is offensive indeed, as if the woman is a 'thing', an 'object'. I don't know how you would prefer to call it, but in this case: at the time it was the only way for my mother-in-law to live respectfully in a village she was obliged to stay in if she wanted to be with her small boys. The marriage was forced upon her. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 17 Feb 2007 : 09:46:10
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Anna, I agree. If the women wants to be with her children and they want to eat, what CHOICE does she really have? 
What can it be called apart from inheritance?
If the wife inherited everything directly from her husband then she would have a choice! She could have land, property and money which would give her the freedom to choose. |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 17 Feb 2007 : 10:18:21
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| Thanks Bev! Of course, this all happened 35 years ago. It might well be that people's attitudes towards the position of a widow in the village has changed for the better, that the women have more opportunity to build their own lives. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 17 Feb 2007 : 11:17:24
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You girls are putting rumours and bad thoughts on this bantaba, it's simply not fair.
Obviously none of you seem to have a deep enough insight to judge fairly, but you have to judge anyway.
To be honest, I don't have too much experience in this subject myself, but I take the Gambians words and try to make sense of it.
Gambiabev, can you tell me how a woman should fend for her children on her own?Please try and think about it not from a Westerners point of view.
My lovely uncle had a son who died very young, with wife and kids and everyone begged for her to stay BECAUSE SHE IS SUCH A GOOD WOMAN and everybody likes her.
What is so bad about the woman going back to her parents or their village?Ok, she has to leave her children but this does NOT mean that she is not allowed any contact! Of course the children will know their mom and have similar contact as we do when we split.
What Inez is describing is one of the things that can happen, but we shouldn't judge until we know both sides to the story.
People have explained this matter before so just take their words and accept it...........simple!
Why have such an interest in the Gambia and at the same time disrespect everything that is not done our way.
I suppose it is the skincolour, cause hardly any Gambian is being valued by us for his lovely culture.sad but true
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