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briana
32 Posts |
 Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 01:11:19
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| No, actually I'm European-American, I guess you'd say. It may be surprising to know that there are white people in America who feel an extreme lack of cultural heritage due to knowing nothing about and having no connection to their European heritage. |
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 01:29:46
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I suppose that is one of many reasons why European Americans visit Europe to get a taste of their heritage. Similiarly why African Diaspora visit Africa. There are many geneology sites on the net to enable you to track your Ancestory if you're interested in getting to know more about your heritage. And how your family came to America.
Peace
Sister Omega |
Peace
Sister Omega |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 09:40:54
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Briana, regarding some of your questions, are they aimed at muslim men or gambian men, i ask because some of the gambian men i meet who are muslim are quite liberal regarding religion, when some can be very conservative and want 4 wives. regard the affection they do not show it in public. "but with Gambian men I'm getting the feeling they may not ever get over the top affectinate" it is now you ask these questions This could cross two culture, african and muslim. |
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kiwi
Sweden
662 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 14:13:37
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| More differences? Dogs are unclean! I quite often look after a labrador, pitch black and with friendly eyes. When my Gambian friend comes to see mee itīs very distressing for him if the dog approaches - which he always does - specially if it is close his prayer time. For me itīs quite funny to see hem ranning around, the dog after him sometimes barking... |
kiwi |
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kiwi
Sweden
662 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 15:34:45
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Gambiabev,
next time you go to the Gambia, plan your period. There are pills to take, ask your doctor. They would not affect your health in any way if you take them once or twice a year.
And it has nothing to do with wanting or not wanting sex, itīs for your own convenience. Actually, you donīt want five of your precious days spoilt with probably having headache, stomach ache, looking for a toilet, feeling depressed and neglected.
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kiwi |
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briana
32 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 17:22:25
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Jambo,
My questions are aimed at Gambian men specifically. Which also includes how Gambian men are influenced by their religion. If my questions were answered purely from the perspective of 'a Muslim man' I don't think I would necessarily be getting information very representative of Gambian men because you're right that there is a unique mixing of Muslim and Gambian culture at work. A Muslim man in the Gambia is quite different than a Muslim man from the Middle East. I was specifically wondering about the younger generation of Gambians (mid 20s) who are Muslim but probably less conservative than their parents' generation or their grandparents'. I was also wondering what you mean when you ask, "it is now you ask these questions?"
Do you mean now that I'm already married and maybe I should have wondered these things before? For me personally, I don't have a problem with the level of affection my husband shows in public or in private, really. My husband is very affectionate. It's just that the affection sometimes feels a bit reserved, verbally and physically. It feels a bit different than with someone from the West. It also feels different since we got married. Maybe that's the issue. I never thought about this before because before we were married, I didn't notice any reservation. My husband has brought up the issue that in the Gambia, you treat your wife differently than you treat a girlfriend. Things can seem more reserved but it's because Gambian men feel this is a way they show respect for the woman who is their wife, by not treating them just the way they'd treat someone who was only a girlfriend. In the West, though, regarding affection and romance I think we always want to be treated the way it was when we were the girlfriend. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Is there anyone out there married to a Gambian who can help me out with some of these questions? And also the questions from my original posting--what are people's thoughts on diffferences between how we in the West and Gambians view love/sex/beauty?
Thanks! |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 18:45:54
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Nice to meet you, Briana!
I have had a relationship with a Gambian for almost 5 years now, and he has lived here with me in the Netherlands since April 2006. We have often talked about the issues you would like be discussed here. For instance, in connection with the affection he sees (in gestures or looks) between my mother (81) and her (second) husband (88). My partner thinks this very endearing and he regrets he has no recollection of any affection shown (in public or within the family home) between his own mother and her (second and now even third) husband. I can see he truly regrets that this kind of warmth was never part of his childhood, i don't know if this goes for every Gambian.
Strangely enough, i found that it is easier for him to show affection (for me) in public in the Gambia, walking around with his arms around me proudly, than here - when we go shopping in town he will often not even hold my hand! I can understand your confusion, because i am confused about this myself.
When we are together in our house he is very affectionate and wanting to touch all the time, when his (Gambian) friends are over he acts a little more restrained (but not when my Dutch friends are around). He is on the whole very helpful. But when my familymembers or Dutch friends are over for dinner he will bring dirty plates to the kitchen, refill the glasses etc, when his Gambian friends are over he leaves everything to me, wanting me to act more like a 'wife' (we are not married).
Well, you know there are numerous examples to give that makes it sometimes a little confusing to live together - because for me it is hard to understand how one person could be different in different circumstances. Keep talking together, because cultural differences come up at the most unexpected moments! For me, these mostly have to do with my partner being a (proud) African male, and much less with him being a Muslim (by birth). For him (and for me as well) religion doesn't play an important part. He (and I) are not in your age-group: my partner just turned 40. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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mbay
Germany
1007 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 18:58:44
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(He is educated and grew up in the city, not the village. He is Muslim, quite moderate, I would say. I'm sharing theses facts to convey the idea that I would not characterize him as very conservative.)
Have you ever had a bad experiences with the VILLAGE people?
why is to some people the city as ado to the villages and more wiser?
quote:
Originally posted by briana
Hello all! I would love to get some advice/information from you, especially the Gambians.
My husband and I got married 8 months ago. We met here in America, and dated for about 9 months before getting married. We are in our mid 20's and about four years apart in age. My husband is Gambian. He is educated and grew up in the city, not the village. He is Muslim, quite moderate, I would say. I'm sharing theses facts to convey the idea that I would not characterize him as very conservative.
Now I'll get to the point. I'm wondering about the concepts of love/beauty/sex in The Gambia. I'm sure they're quite different than in the West. I get the feeling the more conservaitve Gambian men are not really affectionate. I have witnessed this with one of my husband's friends. He barely speaks to his wife when we're around, and I certainly have never seen him kiss or hug her. My husband is actually quite affectionate, though it is a bit different than a Western man would be. I think being from the West I sometimes expect that when men want to show their love verbally or physically they'll fawn over their women. But with Gambian men I'm getting the feeling they may not ever get over the top affectionate.
I'm not sure, but I would love to have some more insight on these issues, especially how they relate to the younger, perhaps less conservaitve, genreation of Gambians. This is a part of the culture I'm finding I don't know much about as I have not yet been to visit The Gambia--but am really looking forward to it!
I would very much appreciate any thoughts on this topic.
Thanks!!
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Edited by - mbay on 31 Jan 2007 19:00:29 |
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briana
32 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 19:13:04
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Hi Anna,
Nice to meet you, too! I have had these same experiences you are talking about. I will continue to talk with my husband. This subject feels hard to get to the bottom of, though, because even though he is affectionate it just feels reserved in some nuanced way sometimes. Sometimes I let it get to me and I feeling a bit like if he was really attracted to me he be more vigorous. Things definitley feel different now that we are married. Which I suppose is bound to happen. It was more romantically intense when we were dating. We also didn't live toegether before we got married so maybe it also has to do with just being around eachother all the time now. I know I might just be being crazy, but I'm starting to feel there may be cultural differences at work here, too. Anyway, thanks again for the comments. Any more will be much appreciated! |
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briana
32 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 19:16:42
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Mbay,
I'm very sorry if was offensive. Please forgive me. I have never been to visit The Gambia, so no I have not had bad experiences with village people. I wasn't trying to say they were less wise, not by any means. I was merely trying to convey that the impression I get is that people from "deep in the village", as my husband would say, are more traditional and conservative than those who have grown up or spent a lot of time in the city. I was just trying to give a sense of my husband's background in The Gambia. I thougt it might be helpful for people trying to answer my questions. |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 19:18:19
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| hi briana, i was wondering why after you married you asked questions and not before, because some of the questions could have been asked before you married. |
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briana
32 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 19:22:41
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| Yes, I think I never wondered these things before because I have only noticed these defferences now that we are married. When we were dating, there was nothing that caught my attention and precipitated questions like these in my mind. |
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briana
32 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 19:23:52
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| Live and learn, I guess. |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 21:02:41
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quote:
Originally posted by kiwi01
Itīs not common for Gambian men to be affectionate in public - maybe in the US or Europe but not back at home. Dignity is important.
Crying is a very childish behavior, a big embarrassment.
A bleeding woman is considered unclean and he is not to supposed to touch you.
When you realize this has nothing to do with you but dipends on the values and rules in the society, itīs very easy to accept it.
HI KIWI01 ,if you don't mind i would like to correct certain things you mension here . a woman seeing her menses or mensturating is considered unclean for specific purposes ,that is if she is a muslim she is excuse from praying ,fasting ,reading the quran and she cannot have sexual intercourse with the husband BUT THE HUSBAND SHOULD BE AFFECTIONATE WITH HER example kissing her ,coudle her ,hold hands .they can do all other things a married couple should do except penetrative sex . the unclean nature is not ment as an insult but term meaning not appropriate to co-habit . islam recommend that husband and wife become affectionate ,this help the children understand love and kindness but their are limits .
i would that clarify the issue . |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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kiwi
Sweden
662 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 21:40:54
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| Thank you for your clarification, Santafara, but I agree to that a mensturating woman is considered unclean for specific purposes . I never said that he cant show affection during that time. But he is not supposed to touch her privat parts. |
kiwi |
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