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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
 Posted - 28 Jul 2006 : 15:00:29
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I guess ur right Jambo, it goes both ways. Depends on if the compliments are from women or men tho. I often receive complimants from african women for my figure and thatīs ok, but I would feel disgusted if my mans friends came to admire my booty.
Or if my girlsfriends gave my man compliments for his muscles... That would drive me nuts!!!  But ma gurls know better than that... |
Edited by - Babylon on 28 Jul 2006 15:03:04 |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 28 Jul 2006 : 15:28:01
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babylon, "But ma gurls know better than that..." I hope they are not reading this, you could be in trouble. |
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LEMON TIME
Afghanistan
1295 Posts |
Posted - 29 Jul 2006 : 05:41:59
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| VERY BIG TROUBLE. |
There is no god but Allah |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 30 Jul 2006 : 11:49:21
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| watcha guys talking bout? I meant they have enough loyalty and sense not to be smooth talking my man. |
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Janky
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jul 2006 : 09:42:15
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Jambo,
Can I ask what you meant when you said something sounded off to me.Can I help it if people make comments on how much weight I have lost.
My husband is my life and I would never do anything to hurt him in anyway, I am not that kind of person. Why do you think that what is happening in my marriage is hurting me so much. |
Janky |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jul 2006 : 16:19:24
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janky, i do not know you so i can only go by what you write on the forum.
The first posting was about your husband being miserable and you thought it was from home. People advised you what to do.
read again this posting from ganbi " But one thing is as clear, as Serenata said when a Gambian man said my family is not referring to you the wife and kids but his bros, sis and parents. As a gambian your man might never discuss his family problem with you so I advice you to get use to that". people are giving you advice, be careful what you scratch.
the next posting on "You are not what he married", body change, (weightloss), passed driving test (confidence) getting noticed ("compliments from other Gambian men"), perhaps he could have confided in the old you, but this new you is a different factor.
No it is not your fault if people pay you compliments but you mentioned Other gambians. If he had lost the weight, got a new car and women paid him compliments woud the green eyed monster be in your mind.
Read all the postings, you may never get to the bottom of this, and you might have to let it go. nagging never helped (ie constant asking what is it, what is wrong, talk to me) did you think about the advice you got about going to gambia for a holiday. Janky I wish you well.
then you gave another posting that mentioned |
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Janky
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
Posted - 31 Jul 2006 : 17:46:53
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Jambo,as far as I am concerned I could have lost 10 stone, has plastic surgery and climb mount everest but I am STILL the same person in my heart and soul as the person he married. The comments came from a gambian that I have only met once before and yes you are right i WOULD be jealous if people commented on how good my husband looks, but then I would feel very proud to think that someone else was noticing what a good fit looking husband I have.
I would love to go back to Gambia but at this moment it is not financially possible, maybe in the near future.
I have read all the comments that was sent to me, as I always do.I can see what other people mean including yourself and very much appreciate it. Maybe I am just feeling a littel stressed about all this and I do sincerley apologise if I offended you in any way, this was never intended. |
Janky |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 01 Aug 2006 : 14:37:28
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| Janky, i wish you well, keep your peace for now, i am sure your husband knows you love him. The situation in Gambia is out of your hands, what happens will happen. Just be there for him. |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 01 Aug 2006 : 14:55:42
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From most of the replies it sounds like Jankys husband is not to blame for anything, itīs Janky who have to be patient and accept that he is african (and therefore he donīt have to do adjust to anything?)
According to Janky he is rejecting her for some reason, and why on earth should she accept it?
He may be an african and have his culture, but now he has decided to be in a marriage with a european woman and therefore he has to understand her cultural values just as much as she has to understand his.
Why should Janky be to blame for him not treating her correct? I think it sounds very stupid. Are you women here really such doormats who donīt demand anything from your men?
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 01 Aug 2006 : 15:10:21
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| babylon, look at some of the postings, i do not see the rejection, but misunderstanding, she asked about understanding a gambian and was given that advise. No she does not have to accept anything, but if she pushes for an answer what will she get. yes he married a non-gambian and should respect her for her beliefs but it is about a family matter. It is not about women being dormats. All the women on the bantaba are very vocal, but sometimes peace is a good thing. Who said Janky is to blame. and he is rejecting her |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 01 Aug 2006 : 15:33:29
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Well if itīs a familymatter SHE is his nr.1 family now and she has the right to know whatīs going on. We are living in Europe for christ sake. If you Jambo read her postings again you can clearly see that Janky says her husband is rejecting her and being moody for reasons she donīt know. She is the wife and should be treated with respect.
Oh and, being vocal is many times much better than to keep your mouth shut and suffer because you donīt want to disturb the "peace". All women should learn to let off some steam, itīs only good for ya and your man will love you even more. |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 01 Aug 2006 : 19:30:18
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babylon, why so hostile,  of course she has a right to know, i never mentioned disrespect but misunderstanding, and what is wrong with patience. Just because someone does not give you answer straight away does not mean it is not forth coming. think about it, where are your timelines, you do not know how long this has been going on, it is only Janky that knows. I just think bid your time and be supportive. what is the opposition confrontation, anger, hurt and unhappiness. Janky spoke to the Bantaba and has felt better for speaking to other people and receiving other opinions. keep calm babylon, watch this space. Janky will know when the time is right. |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 01 Aug 2006 : 20:36:57
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Iīm not being hostile. Just saying my opinion. All I heard from you and others was "be patient", "go on a holiday", "be there for him", "cook a nice meal", "nagging never helped anyone", "he is gambian, get used to it". Obviously neither one of us are professinal marriage counsellers and we are not expected to be ones either, weīre just saying our opinions here and I hope Janky donīt take them too seriously. Who are we to say what she is to do anyway?
But I just donīt understand most of your reasonings, I totally get the picture that your main advice is that the man has to be treated nice and whatever you do donīt stress him too much or nag. Maybe itīs even Jankys own fault for her man to feel insecure and disrespect her because she lost weight, got herself a drivers licence and all... "African men donīt find skinny women attractive" as someone mentioned.
The problem is that most of you seem to think being nice and understanding of him, nomatter how she feels about it, is the best way to solve their problem. Iīm sorry but that is typical doormat behaviour. Donīt encourage other people to be like that, nobody, especially no man has ever respected a doormat who always pleases her husband and makes things very easy easy for him even when he treats her like crap. Get some backbone girls.
No Iīm not hostile, just saying my honest opinion. Iīm calm, cool as ice.  Now good night! |
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LEMON TIME
Afghanistan
1295 Posts |
Posted - 02 Aug 2006 : 03:23:26
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| OH LOL ITS HEATING UP JAMBO,CHILL OUT HAVE SOME HOLY WATER. |
There is no god but Allah |
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Janky
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
Posted - 02 Aug 2006 : 11:41:08
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Babylon, Thanks so much for the messages , it is really welcomed as what you say is nothing but the truth. I try to understand and respect his culture so why doesnt he try to do the same.
I know people have different views and opinions and it is healthy for everyone to to discuss these things.
I am trying to understanding, patient etc but I am only human as I said before and I am very near my limit.
Jambo, I have also taken note of what you said to me so I am not stressing him out but I do say what I think to a certain degree, maybe not enough and like Babylon says I may be a doormat in his eyes. I need to look at that because I do not DESERVE to be anyones doormat.
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