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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
 Posted - 20 Jul 2006 : 21:11:57
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| I CANT AGREE MORE. KONDONRONG CANNT UNDER STAND RIDDLES. YOU MUST VERY DIRECT. |
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Janky
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
Posted - 21 Jul 2006 : 10:50:09
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Thanks everyone it helps to be given an outside prospective on this. I cannot take much more of this treatment that for sure. I DO love my husband very much but I am only human at the end of the day. He had the perfect opportunity to tell me he wanted a divorce, if that is what he wants, but he just said " If I want one I will tell you".
I have asked him about going away for long weekend and all I get is I dont know.
Men in general are hard work and when there is a cultural difference it is really hard.
Besides sending "food money" each month I do sponser my nephews/neices to give them a good education,i will help in any way I can it is important to me.
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Janky |
Edited by - Janky on 21 Jul 2006 12:43:39 |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 21 Jul 2006 : 13:16:47
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Janky go back to this sentence
"What is the best way to deal with a gambian husband that is obviously having problems, wether this be here at home or back home in The Gambia".
wether this be here at home or back home inthe Gambia.
1 where is home
2 Obviously having problems whats obvious
break them down in your own mind, when did it start, last week, last month, was there a phone call.
have a good week end |
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Janky
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
Posted - 21 Jul 2006 : 14:06:47
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Thanks Jambo,
Those are very kind and logical words, ones that I will take note of. Yes he did have a phone call from back home and this was about the time when everything started going wrong, but whatever I say it is always wrong or met with a nasty tone of voice reply |
Janky |
Edited by - Janky on 21 Jul 2006 14:07:45 |
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serenata
Germany
1400 Posts |
Posted - 21 Jul 2006 : 16:54:59
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| Janky, I don't want to interfere, but I have the strong feeling that something must have happened. I was in a similar situation with my husband a few years ago, and later he regretted his silence very much. Today, and maybe this could be a message to your husband, he would never do this again; he knows now that I am part of the family. Sorry to say this, but in many traditional Gambian families a wife - no matter if she is Gambian or Toubab - remains a 'stranger'. This is e.g. why widows are sent away, and why women keep their maiden names: They are very often not regarded as real members of the husband's family. |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 21 Jul 2006 : 21:08:59
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Serenta, i agree that is why i asked the question. Last year i talked to alady who had married a gambian and she said it was like being married to a stranger. definately something happened something was said. In the case of this lady promises had been made and now he had to pay. It was too do with a family debt
I hope this has not happened to Janky. But you must get to the bottom of this, seriously consider a visit for both of you.
I am sure he is not a bad person, but the news from gambia could have taken him a million miles away. are there no gambians local to you |
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Janky
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
Posted - 22 Jul 2006 : 12:08:27
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Jambo,
A gambian friend of ours, I have known him longer that I have known my husband, has tried to speak to him and find out what the problem is. All he has said to me is that the phone call was to do with money. I would with all mu heart and soul do anything I can to help my family in Gambia but I dont know what is happening and probably never will.
I know that wife's are looked on differently to how we expect to be looked on in the UK.The problem is that he is trying to deal with whatever the problem is all by himself and this is causing problems in my marriage as he is withdrawing from me. Everyone that knows us has noticed a change in him, so at least I know it is not just me.
I have recently lost a lot of wieght and passed my driving test, so I dont need to rely on him as much, maybe this is part of the problem too. I am recieving compliments from other gambians and a friend said that he may be feeling insecure. |
Janky |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 24 Jul 2006 : 16:07:12
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| Janky please re-read the last posting you sent the forum, your answers are there. |
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Janky
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
Posted - 24 Jul 2006 : 20:02:33
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| Is that what you are trying to say - he is feeling insecure because i am trying to make myself better or have i read you wrong. |
Janky |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 24 Jul 2006 : 21:17:32
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| That is part of the problem but look at the other words, you decide |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 24 Jul 2006 : 22:38:25
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"The problem is that he is trying to deal with whatever the problem is all by himself and this is causing problems in my marriage as he is withdrawing from me. Everyone that knows us has noticed a change in him, so at least I know it is not just me.
I have recently lost a lot of wieght and passed my driving test, so I dont need to rely on him as much, maybe this is part of the problem too. I am recieving compliments from other gambians and a friend said that he may be feeling insecure."
break this down, |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 27 Jul 2006 : 20:58:47
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Well I think he should be happy for you for losing weight Janky. Thatīs a good thing and I think he should be supporting ya and be happy instead of feeling insecure or jealous. 
What, I thought all men wanted their woman to look good... I donīt understand whatīs the problem with that?
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ganbi
United Kingdom
20 Posts |
Posted - 27 Jul 2006 : 22:16:00
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Babylon may be you are talking about western men but remember it is about Gambian or African men in general likes women with big bottoms "jakefag" with only few exceptions. If you look very skinny you don't look attractive to them. Sorry Janky for not being of much help. But one thing is as clear, as Serenata said when a Gambian man said my family is not referring to you the wife and kids but his bros, sis and parents. As a gambian your man might never discuss his family problem with you so I advice you to get use to that.
quote:
Originally posted by Babylon
Well I think he should be happy for you for losing weight Janky. Thatīs a good thing and I think he should be supporting ya and be happy instead of feeling insecure or jealous.
What, I thought all men wanted their woman to look good... I donīt understand whatīs the problem with that?
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 27 Jul 2006 : 23:42:50
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Sure some men like big bottoms but some donīt like too big butts either, some like skinny women big big boobs and some donīt, some like blondes and some donīt -itīs all individual u see.
Anyway, when it comes to love itīs not the physical appearence that matters the most. If you love someone for real, you should be able to share your partners happiness or sorrow and support him or her. |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 28 Jul 2006 : 13:45:55
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Babylon, that works both ways. please re-read her original postings then read her last one. the reason I asked janky to re-read her last sentences is this.
"I am recieving compliments from other gambians and a friend said that he may be feeling insecure". something sounded off to me. |
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