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caitlin
Gambia
1 Posts |
 Posted - 04 May 2006 : 16:42:54
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hello everyone,
i have a question about marriage protocol and i hope someone can help me.
traditionally if a man wants to marry a woman in england he would speak to her father first and ask his permission - i don't think it happens much these days though
how does this happen in the gambia? is it the same or would a member of the man's family raise the question with the woman first? how would the subject be approached?
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 04 May 2006 : 20:17:37
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It depends.
A lot of the time, especially if there is a blood relationship, it is handled by the parents who would have an intermediary to run between the two families and arrive at a conclusion. No one crosses this line. In the event that the marriage has a problem, the intermediary is dispatched to patch up the problem. It is a role that is still practiced.
It will be the same if they are not related. However, western values have been coming up and as such many of the times this is not followed especially when the partners are overseas and would have made the decisions themselves. They would call home and the role is played in the Gambia for formalities.
In the Gambia they would not have lived together before marriage, as they would do outside the country. Economics gives power and independence.
There are background checks done on both spouses by both families and then even on the family history of both spouses. There are secret investigations and the conclusions are made known at the family council where a blessing is given to go ahead with the union. There are always disagreements, which culturally are considered as a good sign. A mere agreement would signal that the other party had some secrets to hide and as such would like to consummate as early as possible.
I was an intermediary myself and have patched up many spousal problems. You get a lot of respect from the couples and you bluff around if the marriage goes well. People have made a living on this and are showered gifts and presents. It is also an advisory role, which is fastly eroding in the Gambia.
It looks like if you have a lot of wealth, you can jump the hurdle. I hope this helps. The father is always approached, but the women have more to with the marriage beyond the consumation by the men in the mosque.
Another thing, both the bride and groom cannot attend their wedding consumation. The male friend s will do it on your behalf and inform you and pronounce to you the decison. After the consumation, the family of the girl will send advices and concerns through the intermediary about how they expect their daughter to be treated and this is relayed to the male partner after the consumation. The is followed by a party.
In the villages, when the wife finally leaves for the husbands home, there is a one week party with each day doing something different. She is offeref gifts, and she would cook a meal for the friends of the husband. In mandinka this is called BULU NENO which translates as tasting the food. There is a day for laundry etc. During this week long partying, it serves as a school for both and also helps the transition to a new home and life. Some of her family will stay beyond the seven days usually a younger sister to keep her comfportable. During this week, women make all the decisons and men only follow. The mens role ends as soon as the marriage is consumated. It might be diffrent in some tribes and experiences will vary.
Boy i miss all the dancing and i cannot stop writing. You can notice that i am jumping here and there. sorry for that as it affect the flow of the process.
I hope you find this useful. |
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” |
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quickgm28
USA
6 Posts |
Posted - 06 Jun 2006 : 05:51:52
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Hello, Kondorong, I, for one, find your postings very interesting? I'm tempted to jump in with my "how does this compare ti Islam", stuff, but I won't because I don't want it to come off in a bad way, but I keep wanting to say "Oh I get it", this is where such-and-such comes from, etc. I know that doesn't make sense sorry. It's getting late here, and I probably should go to bed anwyay, got work tomorrow.
I will try to elaborate later, if anyone would like. Suffice it tosay, I'm not sure I'd like not being at my own wedding, lol, or at least, that is the snese I get. Anyway, hopefully I've not offended anyone.
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