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kisley
United Kingdom
214 Posts |
 Posted - 12 Apr 2006 : 17:32:50
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| I am fairly new to this forum and what i have noticed from reading a lot of the posts is that there is a lot of Gambiabev bashing going on. Wouldnt it be great if more people could put their energies into more positive things instead of sniping at people all the time. I came on this forum for friendly, open discussion and to be educated, not to listen to people be disrespectful to each other. Gambiabevs question may have been intrusive, especially as she hardly knows the person or her circumstances, but her motives were honourable, they were not done out of malice. Peace |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 12 Apr 2006 : 17:41:49
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Point taken, but do you not think that some people enjoy being listened to. Have no fear Gambiaeve does have a good heart, she is replying to the forum. Read some of her other comments. It seemed as if there was a lot of basing going on, but in Bantaba if you raise a point it is discussed both for and against, She came across a lot of AGAINSTS. She will be with the forum for a long time.
Secondly people can choose not to reply or even look at the topics on offer. Bantaba has many other subjects. |
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babygirl
United Kingdom
89 Posts |
Posted - 12 Apr 2006 : 20:54:01
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if you post personnal information on a site like this which is such a public forum then you are going to encounter intrusive questions, you are going to encounter positive and negative advice/information.
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 12 Apr 2006 : 21:44:02
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Babygirl...exactly! If you post in public, expect questions and responses. I try to be VERY open. I am VERY liberal. BUT I do ask questions. I have a questioning mind and I like to dig beneath the surface and really understand what is going on and what motivates people. If I am in a pub in England and a few drinks are being had I will ask people questions to get to know them below the surface..that is just my nature.
I never mean to offend and my motive in the Gambia is to try to make life better...even if I can only do that for one or two people.
I hope when people read what I put on the site they will believe I am motivated by genuine compassion. As long as they believe that of me I dont care if they agree with my opinions. |
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dave
Ireland
89 Posts |
Posted - 12 Apr 2006 : 22:48:16
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quote:
Originally posted by gambiabev
Babygirl...exactly! If you post in public, expect questions and responses. I try to be VERY open. I am VERY liberal. BUT I do ask questions. I have a questioning mind and I like to dig beneath the surface and really understand what is going on and what motivates people. If I am in a pub in England and a few drinks are being had I will ask people questions to get to know them below the surface..that is just my nature.
I never mean to offend and my motive in the Gambia is to try to make life better...even if I can only do that for one or two people.
I hope when people read what I put on the site they will believe I am motivated by genuine compassion. As long as they believe that of me I dont care if they agree with my opinions.
I wouldnt doubt your motives Bev, I guess its just a matter of you learning a little more about what makes Gambians tick and how to show them respect, or rather to avoid showing disrespect albeit perhaps unknown to you. Maybe try to remember that you are not in a pub in England. You are in the bantaba-) |
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Sitasungo
77 Posts |
Posted - 13 Apr 2006 : 02:55:35
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Hi Gambiabev,
Do really belief the world is round like a globe and not rectangular?Look some of us are not as stupid as you think.You were not trying to be liberal as you stated but trying to scare off Elizabeth.Why can't you just let the girl try where you fail?
I shall proof you wrong as what you wrote are here to verify my belief that you were not the least trying to be liberal.You see I sometimes like you for your concern for our childreen but sometime I can't understand you at all Even if you meet me we will not have two week together because of what you really are
Here are some of your words and my queations to them(Below)
In UK I would ask quite personal questions and NOT receive the replies I received here. It was just a curious question. I am a curious person!
No Gambiabev I have never been to the UK but have a British Girlfriend.If you ask such questions to some British they will tell you to **** off not your problem
LOOK AT THESE KIND OF QUESTIONS!
Posted - 11 Apr 2006 : 20:23:16
(1)Elizabeth...do you mind me asking.....how long have you know Patrick?
How much time do you spend in Gambia? Do you trust him and his motives?
Do call that liberalism?
Posted - 12 Apr 2006 : 08:41:48
(2)I saw a man from Senegal for 3 years off and on. He has never treated me badly. But I have finished it because I find it difficult to trust his motives. That is MY problem.
Then may I humbly pry into your private life?How did you then managed with your ex alcoholic for 26 years and cannot even try 5 years with this senegalise? WHY?
MANY marriages DONT work. The man wants a visa, or your money, or the kudos of a western wife.
You see if you really are what you claimed to be, YOU MUST then write to patrick and appologise to him for you don't even know him much more know what he wants from Elizabeth
Other people have mentioned if there is an age gap as well, what about the issue of children. MOST Gambian men WILL want to have children.
I hope it works for you Elizabeth, I really do..
Come-on who is talking about childreen here?Did Elizabeth or Patrick talk to about childreen.My friend we are talking about two love birds who needs encouragement.
Posted - 12 Apr 2006 : 16:52:17
(3)I know of Gambian guys at Beach bars....putting one girl back on the plane home and then waiting for the next plane in for the next girl.......(Shirley Valentine style
Liberals would have taken liberal steps by explaining both about European men and Gambians alike not just one side of the coin
If you meet someone at the coast I would be VERY wary.
Lizzie you do need to bear in mnd that you could be a good investment to Patrick and he could play a long game. IE even though you say your investments are tied up he COULD be playing a waiting game until they are free.SORRY to be SO cynical........ but it is very difficult to know who to trust especially if love or passion are clouding the waters. My accountant advised me only to invest in Africa what I could afford to loose
Is Lizzie your Daughter to talk like that?She didn't even consult you when she was making up he mind that Patrick was the right man for her
Posted - 12 Apr 2006 : 16:58:47
(4)Which country in West Africa someone is from doesnt seem to make much difference to the mans attitude to women.
Most African men I have met seem to feel innately superior to women and think it is their job to make the big decisions and 'guide' their wife. They disappear for hours or days or weeks without refering to their wife. She has NO control over him. He has all the power.
I have never been to UK but can I ask you something?
When did women became equal with men in your country?When did women even started voting and treated equal to men and are you still treated 100% equally? NO.
Posted - 12 Apr 2006 : 21:44:02
(5)...I am VERY liberal. BUT I do ask questions. I have a questioning mind and I like to dig beneath the surface and really understand what is going on and what motivates people. If I am in a pub in England and a few drinks are being had I will ask people questions to get to know them below the surface..that is just my nature.
Do you still think you were advising Elizabeth or scaring her off.Why wouldn't you just let the girl try where you failed?
If you could put up with an alcoholic for 26 years and couldn't with someone who treated you nicely,then what were your motives to be with him.You had never trusted him in the first place thats why you couldn't match.Love has to be on trust.
I have nothing against you but I love the truth and fairness.
Sitasungo
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Edited by - Sitasungo on 13 Apr 2006 02:58:54 |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 13 Apr 2006 : 08:21:28
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I will only give a brief reply to this. Just to say I stayed with my husband because I loved him and I believed in my marriage vows. We had 2 children together and ran a business together. Just because he is alcoholic doesnt make him a bad man. He was nice, kind and caring alot of the time. BUT the situation got worse and when my children were older I decided to get a divorce.
I have decided NOT to have a relationship with a West African man for all the reasons I have mentioned before that I wont repeat. This will leave me free in Gambia to go to the villages and concentrate on the real purpose for my visits.
Don't get me wrong, Gambia men can be delightful and hard to resist!  Charming, gentlemen, good looking, funny, happy, NOT alcoholic etc.... But however lovely they are I can only spend 3 or 4 weeks a year in Gambia....not enough time for trust to develop and a true relationship to exist. |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 13 Apr 2006 : 10:14:31
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gambiaeve, I never believed that you were nasty person, and as you mentioned that you can only spend a few weeks each year in Gambia, spend those with the villagers. i am glad you are still going back to Gambia, plenty of people are doing what you are doing and they find reward in their works.
you are in a good place, stay there, I am happy to for you
regards |
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trouble1317
United Kingdom
12 Posts |
Posted - 13 Apr 2006 : 15:34:39
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Gambian bev, sorry but at your age and with your experiences in life..
Did you ever come across the word "tact" its such a small word which goes a long way. |
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babygirl
United Kingdom
89 Posts |
Posted - 13 Apr 2006 : 16:14:26
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Sitasungo if you like truth and fairness surely it would be fair to only quote on wat u have experienced and know, rather that wat u assume. you have never been to the UK so it is unfair for you to comment on how people from the uk would react.
gambiabev may have voiced the questions that many people would of been thinking and maybe didnt ask, due to politeness or any other reason.
Gambiabev was only issuing a caution not trying to scare anyone off. If Patrick is a true gentleman and "the one" then no amount of scaring off or caution will matter.
She has not stated that every man is bad ......just that some have ulterior motives,which you cannot deny!
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Sitasungo
77 Posts |
Posted - 13 Apr 2006 : 16:41:54
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Babygirl,
Thank you for that piece of advice.Yes I have never been to the UK.
But I think I know from what Her fellow UK citizens tell me,I can tell you these things and you tell me whether I am right or wrong: Right?
Alright here we go.....
(1)At sixteen, your are matured enough to decide for your self and your parents have no control what so ever over you?right or wrong?
(2) Some parents as single mothers or fathers some times erred in their duties as parents thus some youth are so our of control that they kill or stab their victims? right or wrong?
(3) An alcoholic is the same as a drug addict.Until they give-up, they are more useless than useful?right or wrong?
(4) some of the youth can tell their parents "you lied to me mother or you lied to me father or even argue with their parents shout at them?right or wrong?
(5)There is still gender inequality in the UK and some western countries?right or wrong?
(6)Some of your women are abused ,raped and killed?right or wrong?
ect ect ect......... on and on and on and on...
So you see babygirl,
If Gambiavbev wants to give advise to someone, this was not the way to do it .If we have bad and good men in the Gambia, you also have worst and better men in the UK.
So the world is like a globe.If you are better than us in one field, we might be far far better than you in another field.
I have nothing against Gambiabev,infact I admire her for her courage to undergo all my harsh interogations.I think she is an Iron Lady(A Tharcherite)....(laughs).
There is so much good in her innermost self.For many comes here as tourist to our country and do nothing but she thought of helping the young generation which is more than appriciated.If I were president, deserve an honour... GORG....one of our highest honours.
But the truth is the truth.Many British are used to that word maybe it means nothing to them but to us its something."One man's meat is another man's poison"
Good day I salute you
Sitasungo |
Edited by - Sitasungo on 13 Apr 2006 16:43:32 |
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LEMON TIME
Afghanistan
1295 Posts |
Posted - 13 Apr 2006 : 16:53:44
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| please go get ya man darling am all happy for you. |
There is no god but Allah |
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Sitasungo
77 Posts |
Posted - 13 Apr 2006 : 17:03:55
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The same goes on,
this is why we callthe forum Bantaba.
IT WAS VERY SIGNIFICANT IN OUR GAMBIAN HISTORY.Its like you house of LORDS.THOUGH NOT ELECTED REPRESENTATIVES OF YOUR PEOPLE, THEY STILL WELD SO MUCH POWER.(My friends told me)
We also had freedom of speach in those days at the BANTABA.
Thank you
Sitasungo |
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babygirl
United Kingdom
89 Posts |
Posted - 13 Apr 2006 : 17:35:15
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I'll do my best to reply to you :)
1)At sixteen, your are matured enough to decide for your self and your parents have no control what so ever over you?right or wrong?
I dont see what this question has to do with gambiabev questions? But the legal age in the UK is officially 18. I left home at 16 with my parents permission. It doesnt make you a bad person.
(2) Some parents as single mothers or fathers some times erred in their duties as parents thus some youth are so our of control that they kill or stab their victims? right or wrong?
Why are you singling out single parents? You have many people who have killed or murdered and they have been brought up in a very good home with both parents.
(3) An alcoholic is the same as a drug addict.Until they give-up, they are more useless than useful?right or wrong?
A alcoholic is extremely different to a drug addict. Most alcoholics hold down jobs for a start, whereas a drug addict is unlikely to work. that is one simple difference. so i feel your comments are wrong.
(4) some of the youth can tell their parents "you lied to me mother or you lied to me father or even argue with their parents shout at them?right or wrong?
This happens everywhere in the world including Gambia and the UK.
(5)There is still gender inequality in the UK and some western countries?right or wrong?
Correct, but that is the whole world over in varying degrees.
(6)Some of your women are abused ,raped and killed?right or wrong?
ect ect ect......... on and on and on and on...
There are women everywhere that are abused,raped,killed...... not just "your women"
i do not believe i am better or worse than anyone, whoever bleeds will bleed red blood.
No one is stating that there arent worse or better men/women in the UK or any other part of the world.
Encouraging caution is not harmful. If peoples intentions are pure then the caution will not affect them.
If people will post personnal information on a public forum they are surely asking for comments and replys? So surely that means they want to hear the good comments as well as the bad comments?
Enjoy the sunshine:o)
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lizzielou
United Kingdom
36 Posts |
Posted - 13 Apr 2006 : 17:45:34
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I apologise for sharing a part of my personal life with people that by and large on the Bantaba are from Gambia and as such by and large have welcomed my information and I would expect good and bad comments as people have different experiences and views on any country they go to. It was not my intention to set anyone against each other and I feel everyone is entitled to their opinion. For me, only time will tell, so what if Patrick only wants to take the main chance, I have skin thick enough to enjoy what I have for as long as it lasts, if that is for a year or forever, I would never know if I didn't take the chance.
PEACE x |
Elizabeth Bojang Ellis |
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