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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
 Posted - 12 Jan 2007 : 19:20:49
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I suppose I am naive in that I look for the good in people until proven otherwise. I am quite cautious though and may still decide to take the easier route of NOT marrying him.
I am lucky too, not just him. He is lovely, funny, a fantastic dancer. A very charismatic guy! I LOVE being on his arm!!!
Perhaps this is my Shirely Valentine moment and I should leave it like that. Get on with my 'real life'. Tonight I am going to my local pub with some friends for someones birthday. It is windy and cold and the Gambia and 'my man' seem a long way away. It hardly seems real, like a dream that is fading away. |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2007 : 19:28:16
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Babylon, didn't i hear you say before that love does strange things to people? You are right and it makes us ALL naive for our ages! In such a situation it is hard to keep the brain working, while our hearts are racing.
All the things i did for love...................like buying a car!
Gambiabev, start saving up; the car will need endless repairs, the roads are bad and the mechanics worse (would be such a nice training program for bumsters who have to be kept from bumstering), the spare parts have to come from some far away place and before you know it the insurance or some other important paper will have expired. Is the car to be used as a taxi: forget it, there are more taxis than tourists already.
Gambiabev, I can see you only welcome the positive encouragements but i prefer to tell it like it is: think hard and think again and then, when you have decided you want this relationship, see to it that it is based on equality. It will not work if the one party is dependent on the other. Through the years i have become acquainted with a large group of women who are in this exact same situation; the success story percentage is extremely, shockingly low. By the way, the age gap-factor was never very important. The religion/cultural differences: very difficult. On top of the list: dependency, by far. We are all humanly weak enough to expect (somewhere, sometime, somehow) something in return. If you think marriage is absolutely necessary: put it off, at least for a year or two. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2007 : 20:50:10
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"Babylon, didn't i hear you say before that love does strange things to people? You are right and it makes us ALL naive for our ages! In such a situation it is hard to keep the brain working, while our hearts are racing.
All the things i did for love...................like buying a car!"
Yes, love surely can make people lose their heads.
But so far, love has never ever made me open up my wallet for a grown up man who can take care of himself. I will never be any mans mom besides my own sons, I wouldn´t waste my time on a man who is dependent on me and my help. But we´re all different. 
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2007 : 21:16:54
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Fortunately, yes!
I agree with you: don't mum a man who can take care of himself. Problem is: in the Gambia you meet a man who takes care of himself (and his enormous family), but you want to help to make him do better, to have a better life (because you are having such a nice life yourself, even though you have to work hard for it - but then, at that moment you are not thinking of the long working hours and the stress, you can only see the security you yourself are enjoying and you would like your new friend to have the same). All these words 'i will never, i would never, never in my life etc. etc.', i have heard them so many times. Well, if you are not careful and using your brain you might be in high over your head. And in the end you would resent the person 'who did this to you'. Only it was you, who did this to you. Therefore: no dependency - make up a contract, to get something back from your investment. Try to figure out a formula, through which this man you love will never become a millstone around your neck.
Only 'never' i cling to: i will never marry.
But i will stick to my Gambian partner, who is now working fulltime and going to school in the evenings - trying hard to build up something for himself here in my country. Seeing for himself how things work here: nothing for nothing, work hard and you will be rewarded! |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2007 : 22:40:23
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I do often say "I will never in my life" about some things, this includes dating needy men who need financial support and all sort of help. I find it quite a turn off to see a man who is so dependent of a woman that he will do anything, find any woman who is willing enough to satisfy every need he may have. There are choices in life, even when it comes to love and who you choose to give your heart to. You do not have to fall head over heels for a man who is not on the same level as you. It´s your life and sometimes you need to keep your head cool when it comes to men. They are not the most important people in this life.
But if it makes one woman happy to feed some guy and support his financial needs, give him papers then fine. That is not my life, you will never se me in that situation because I chose not to be in it. |
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anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2007 : 23:03:28
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| OK, fine with me! |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
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jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 14 Jan 2007 : 14:14:51
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bev, why are you giving his family handouts, at what stage willhe be in a poisition to support himselfand his family, he has a job at the hotel,wage coming in, , employs a driver for the car, money coming in , youmight get a house rent coming in. GOOD JOB |
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