| Author |
 Topic  |
|
anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
 Posted - 08 Jan 2007 : 10:07:55
|
On second thoughts: good luck with your whole adventure, a lot of LOL (how i hate this stupid expression). Could you stop this nonsense - you can read how i feel about this strange attempt to attract attention in the World Religion Forum.
I am out of this. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
 |
|
|
Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jan 2007 : 12:42:13
|
Gambiabev it's always good to look before you leap!
Peace
Sister Omega |
Peace
Sister Omega |
|
|
|
jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jan 2007 : 14:01:21
|
just read the comments on the world religions forum. this is not about religion, because BEV does not believe, end of questions.
i am not sure what happened to bev when she went away, i had read the previous postings, and have the questions.
Bev have yu given your word to the man you wish to marry
if you are happy to give him up for another women so that he can have children, why marry
Is it APRIL 1st day, the Bantaba Bev we know would not ask these questions becuase if yu look at the postings from a year ago, she was in the same position, but this time it was with a senegalese man, not a gambian, she asked the same questions.
WHAT HAPPENED BEV, SUNSTROKE, atai |
|
|
|
Jack
Belgium
384 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jan 2007 : 14:45:57
|
| Jambo, maybe a one-year cyclus LOL |
|
|
|
gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jan 2007 : 22:22:44
|
Jambo, to be clear, it is the same man. I have known him 3 years. I met him on my first trip. He is half senegalese and half gambian. I have lived my life for 3 years with many things going on: moving house, getting divorced, changing jobs, having english boyfriends...but this guy is a constant in my life.
I have seen the sex trade in Gambia. I like to think I am not part of that, but have a true relationship. Perhaps i am deceiving myself? |
|
|
|
Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jan 2007 : 13:52:02
|
Bev I'm finding your postings full of mixed messages you seem confused. To ask if you are deceiving yourself is probably an indication that you are. It maybe advisable that you meditate on this issue a while longer. Of course it's a beautiful feeling of being in love. However what's the rush if this is a true relationship what is six months to a year going to do to alter it? I think some of the advice you have dished out on this subject in the past has been quite sensible why not try to take some of it for yourself. Afterall it's your future happiness at stake. For all the life changes you've experienced the past three years isn't enough, the chance of true love is definitely a happy ending, and I'm sure you deserve that. In reality, what is a temporal polgamous relationship going to give you that a long-term committed monogamous relationship you desire can't? All I can advise you to think whether or not your proposed marriage is genuinely in both of your interests in the long-term what are you going to gain out of it for your future happiness? I wish you all the best in what you decide after all said and done the choice is yours. A tip to sort out the wheat from the chase if you delay the marriage to a time which suites you, you will see whether or not your suitor is genuine.
Peace
Sister Omega |
Peace
Sister Omega |
|
|
|
gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jan 2007 : 20:09:07
|
Thanks sister for that kind and non judgemental advice.
I am confused betweeen taking a risk and playing life safe.
Time will tell and I will let you know how it goes. |
|
|
|
anna
Netherlands
730 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jan 2007 : 23:11:12
|
Gambiabev, perhaps you could also explain to us why it is that one day you announce your wedding in capitals to tell us the next day that you already have second/third thoughts - even informing us that perhaps this would be a marriage that would only last a few years. I cannot help it, but i find this very strange behaviour for a 46 years old, educated woman.
If you read my first posting and my answer to Babylon's remark, you could see that i wish you all the best in this relationship but that i wonder if getting married at such short notice would be such a good idea. It was very obvious from the start that you were confused, not yourself (as i stated in my first posting).
If you are confused between taking a risk and playing life safe (which is understandable at your age, you have a lot to lose), why then make the risk so (too)big? As Sister Omega also suggested, you could easily have your friend over for a few months in the UK if in the papers you will tell the authorities that this man is your fiance or 'partner'. Why marry, why marry in the mosque? To please your boyfriend (as you stated in the Religion Forum) because he is 'a serious moslim'? You know, that is really what pissed me off totally - are your daughters not important, or your parents' feelings? Give them the opportunity to get to know this man, to overcome their reservations.
Quoting you, like Sab did, was indeed brilliant. All the things you said there, were important. They still are...
Taking a risk or playing it safe?? My motto has always been: it is better to do something and perhaps regret it later, than to not do it and regret forever that you didn't do it.
But, if you feel (as you stated yourself) that 'this man is a constant in your life', go for it .. but go for it step by step, seeing to it that you are still in control (not taking big steps just to 'please'). There will be times that you will feel as if the whole world is against you, there will be trying times. But then, if all goes well, the joy and the happiness will be so overwhelming when you see that your partner is gradually accepted because the people you love (and who are an even greater constant, like your children) come to see that this man, never mind his exotic exterior, is a person with a 'normal' concept of good/bad and, above all, a nice man who loves and is good to their mum/daughter!!
Believe me, i understand your confusion better than you might now think - i have had a difficult and at times rotten 4 years. But now we are finally building up, having found our place in life! But marriage? Never again. I promised myself this 20 years ago, and i will stay true to myself before i will ever 'please' somebody. |
When an old African dies, it is as if a whole library has burnt down.
Amadou Hampate Ba (Mali) |
|
|
|
jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 10 Jan 2007 : 10:34:03
|
bev a word of advice play safe, there is someone else involved in this to marry without your heart is wrong, secondly you are changing everything you believe in regarding religion, why is he living here, you are a teacher, yu could easily live there
i understand that thngs that happened years ago, do not look the same as now, because life moves on, but to think of marriage i do not approve of this move because you have not said if you believe in his religon. secondly, what happened to the money, land or whatever was going on between yu 3 years ago, is that still on going or was it resolved.
you are older and wiser now, practice what sis omega, says.
|
|
|
|
gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 11 Jan 2007 : 17:53:38
|
Jambo, I wouldnt want to live in The Gambia full time. I have 2 daughters here, both my parents still alive, a home and a job that is demanding and that I love.
My boyfriend also has a son in Gambia, a decent job (though very poorly paid) and lots of friends and family. He also has his families compound in Serrekunda. I dont think he would like to be in UK all the time. We discussed splitting our time, plus accepting that part of our time would be apart.
Things have gone very quiet from my man in Gambia, So perhaps it is out of sight out of mind? Perhaps he is only interested in me when I am there for my money?
On holiday in Gambia I feel about 30, now I feel 46 again! My sensible self is back and having serious second thoughts! |
|
|
|
jambo
3300 Posts |
Posted - 11 Jan 2007 : 19:45:58
|
that bit i understand, vimto, fresh fish, diverse conversation al happen in gambia,plus sunstroke, malaria
back in uk, winds howling, heavy rains reality check. |
|
|
|
gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2007 : 08:08:43
|
Jambo, just to make it clear my boyfriend has never been involved in any land deal with me. I almost bought the land at gunjur but backed out because the Gambians involved were arguing with each other and telling me different things.
The only financial commitment I have with my boyfriend is that I bought him a car. It was my idea to give him an extra source of income. He is a good business man and now employs a driver for the car whilst he works at the hotel. In the future I was hoping to buy a 4 wheel drive for longer trips and buy a house to rent out a couple of rooms when I am not there. This investment would help him work to help his family, instead of me just giving his family handouts when I visit.
Financially I have told him that my daughters will always come first and that they will inherit my property and assests in the UK. NO MAN WILL EVER GET THAT FROM MY CHILDREN! BUT anything I bring to Gambia I am happy to share with him 50:50 because that is what I think a marriage should be, a true partnership in love and finance. |
|
|
|
Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2007 : 14:14:54
|
"BUT anything I bring to Gambia I am happy to share with him 50:50 because that is what I think a marriage should be, a true partnership in love and finance"
Right, but does that go both ways? Does he think the same way as you, to share his money with you 50/50 as well? That is what I would call a true partnership. |
|
|
|
Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2007 : 15:11:59
|
quote:
The only financial commitment I have with my boyfriend is that I bought him a car. It was my idea to give him an extra source of income. He is a good business man and now employs a driver for the car whilst he works at the hotel. In the future I was hoping to buy a 4 wheel drive for longer trips and buy a house to rent out a couple of rooms when I am not there. This investment would help him work to help his family, instead of me just giving his family handouts when I visit.
Bev your boyfriend is a lucky man. I'd like to commend you on your empowerment strategy for your fiancee and his family by purchasing him a car, and creating employment for his friend, contributing to the transportation service in his town.
The 4 wheel drive is a good idea,investing in a home to buy and rent is a good investment. These are good potential investments for the future. This will logically stop you from offering handout as you put it each time you visit.
quote:
BUT anything I bring to Gambia I am happy to share with him 50:50 because that is what I think a marriage should be, a true partnership in love and finance.
You stated above you are willing to share with him 50:50 both in love and marriage. As you stated earlier you marriage will be ahort-term
I just read your post in the Religious Forum where you decided against a Muslim Wedding and opted for a Civil Wedding in August because you have to be true to yourself.
Your fiancee works in the hotel, You have demonstrated that you are charitable as you stated in the Religious Forum and have no problem with the cultural side of Islam.
So Gambiabev if I am not mistaken there is:
1.a 16 year age difference between you and your fiancee.
2. He is employed in a hotel, doesn't drink or smoke (good muslim)and not a Bumster.
In your 50:50 partnership
1.You've invested his business and brought him a car.He now employs his friend.
2.You are considering buying a house for him to live in while your away or to rent it out, and buying a 4 wheel drive for the business.
3. You bring gifts to his family.
Your fiance
1.Has been constant in your life for three years and proposed to you.
In conclusion he has a lot of work to do to make it a 50:50 relationship. I wish you both the best of luck.
Peace
Sister Omega
|
Peace
Sister Omega |
|
|
|
Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 12 Jan 2007 : 15:41:53
|
I agree with Sister Omega that Bevs man is a lucky man indeed. Whatīs he got to loose in this?
Iīm sorry Bev, I think you must be a very kind lady but donīt you think that some people really just use your kindness and the fact that you seem very naive for your age? Sometimes itīs much better to think with the head instead of heart. |
|
|
|
Topic |
|
|
|
Topic Locked
