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Janky
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
 Posted - 02 Feb 2006 : 12:39:10
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I wonder if anyone can help solve a argument.
If a gambian man is married in England and she is his FIRST wife. What happens if he marries in gambia WITHOUT his wife's permission. Is it legal, moral expected etc. Then what will happen if he has a child with this lady in gambia?
Please give me your views - it is important
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Janky |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 02 Feb 2006 : 13:32:15
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What would happen if he had a secret babymama in the Gambia? I know one thing tho: He would be out My door quicker than fast... lol  |
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 02 Feb 2006 : 23:38:42
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Hi Janky,
In Gambia as far as I'm aware it is legal for a man to have more than one wife. A man is allowed in Islam is allowed to have up to four wives but this is uncommon now a days in urban areas.
In contrast in the UK it is illegal for a man to have more than one wife and is a criminal offence because it is regarded as bigomy in the UK, if he was married by the state. Under British law the second wife would not be legally recognised.
There are numerous children in Gambia who come from polygamous families this is not uncommon, and it is generally expected that children's parents are married to each other.
Janky this senerio is not uncommon but can be difficult in a marriage where a western wife's view of marriage might be fundamentally different to her Gambian husbands. Therefore it's necessary to discuss these issues beforehand. Having said this a polygamous man doesn't need to have his wife's consent to go head and marry a co-wife. But obviously it helps if the first wife is consulted before he goes ahead and marries a second wife. It is a fundamental issue of respect.
I suppose the ball is in the wife's court whether she wishes to accept the situation and accepts her husbands second wife or dissolves the marriage for her own peace of mind. Either way a difficult decision has to be made.
I think the fundamental issue here is deception can the first wife stay married to a man that she cannot trust because once trust is broken it is virtually impossible to rebuild it.
Peace
Sister Omega
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Peace
Sister Omega |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 03 Feb 2006 : 08:23:49
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If they were married under uk law he would still be a bigamist and could be prosecuted. If they were married in Gambia then Gambian law applies and he could have 4 wives if he can afford them!
If the english wife is too old to have children I think the Gambian may be under cultural and family pressure to take a second wife to produce babies. Most men want to have heirs...... |
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Janky
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
Posted - 03 Feb 2006 : 13:14:39
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Thanks for your views, what amazes me is that the comments made are from lady's.
Does NO gambian men out there has opinions on this? I would love to hear them.
Tell me the truth it is all I am asking |
Janky |
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Janyanfara
Tanzania
1350 Posts |
Posted - 03 Feb 2006 : 15:22:07
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Hi sister Jankey,
The answer is the man has commited an offence under Enlish law and could be prostituted if the English lady pressed charges against him.
Secondly- His GAmbian wife is by Gambian law still his legal wife and the Son,a legitimate one.But by Engklish law, this is not possible b-cause the marriage is illegal in d first place and cannot be recognised here.
Thank you 4 your question.
Mankajang Janyanfara,
United kingdom |
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 04 Feb 2006 : 02:48:58
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Janky it really doesn't matter whether a man or a woman gives you the advice about polygamy under British law. If a person marries more than spouse whilst still married to another, whether living in the same country or not in the UK it is regarded as bigamy and is a criminal offence which can in certain circumstances result in a jail sentence.
Don't take our advice here alone check it out for yourself by reading the Citzen Advice Bureau's link below. They will be able to give you free advice on the subject. Good Luck
Peace Sister Omega
ohttp://www.adviceguide.org.uk/n6w/index/family_parent/family/getting_married.htm |
Peace
Sister Omega |
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Janky
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
Posted - 05 Feb 2006 : 13:33:32
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Hi All,
I would like to thank you all for the comments made and really do appreciate this. I have downloaded and started to read the Gambia Culture Notes by Ebrima Colley. I never realised how hard the culture difference would be. I have read the notes from CAB that Sister Omega has suggested and found this very useful.If I am truly honest I dont think I will ever understand.
While I was in Gambia last year I was chatting to a friend of a friend who informed me that , his generation, he was 19yrs, does not want more than one wife or a lot of kids , as he believes this is the problem in the country.He says that neary all his age group want a European wife as all gambian ladys want are kids and money.
I dont know if this is the truth but if that is the case then surely this will build a better, financially, Gambia in years to come.
What do you all think?
Also I was told yesterday that President Jammeh has now said that men in Gambia can only have 3 wives, not 4, so that they can afford to take care of them better. Maybe this should be just 1 wife so they can all have a better life? |
Janky |
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Janky
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
Posted - 05 Feb 2006 : 14:15:51
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| When a man who is married to a English lady (1st wife), marries a Gambian lady ( 2nd wife) the muslim way would this be classed as bigamy? |
Janky |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 05 Feb 2006 : 14:26:24
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I was told by a Gambian that the reason they want a white wife is because although western women are generally promiscuous BEFORE marriage in general once married they try hard to be faithful.
He said Gambian women (JOLA) in particular are well behaved before marriage....but once they have a man and his money (ie are married) they play around!!!
THIS IS NOT MY VIEW. THIS IS THE VIEW OF ONE GAMBIAN MAN.
Of course the more cynical view is they want a wife who will provide them a route out of poverty ie money or passport or both!
I suppose there are exceptions where the marriage is for love and it is long lasting. I would love to hear some positive stories instead of all the bad news stories......... |
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Janky
United Kingdom
92 Posts |
Posted - 05 Feb 2006 : 15:45:09
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I totally agree with you gambiabev. I want to hear good things about the gambian men in europe as all I hear is bad things. This then gives all the gambian men a bad name.
I know gambians that have married for a passport then left their wives (european) as soon as their stay or passport has arrived. I took my vows seriously when I got married and I HOPE my husband did too. I want a happy and good life with my hubby but all I hear is bad things which then plants a seed in my head, as Im sure it does for all gambian wives. Is there anyone out there who has a positive view to share.  |
Janky |
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 05 Feb 2006 : 19:15:38
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quote:
[i]Originally posted by gambiabev
I was told by a Gambian that the reason they want a white wife is because although western women are generally promiscuous BEFORE marriage in general once married they try hard to be faithful.
He said Gambian women (JOLA) in particular are well behaved before marriage....but once they have a man and his money (ie are married) they play around!!![;)
quote:
[i]THIS IS NOT MY VIEW. THIS IS THE VIEW OF ONE GAMBIAN MAN.
Hi gambiabev and Janky,
The above quote from One Gambian man is suspect it is pure flattery for gullibility, which is a stereotypical view of Gambian women and Jolas in particular. This will appeal more to a woman's vanity to enable the man to suck her in so she will take the bait. By the way why shouldn't with in the cultural context of Gambia a woman expect her husband to financially support the family. These women work hard bearing in mind they have less gadets at their disposal. And why should these men expect to get an easy ride from western women?
I think men who put down their own mothers who bore them, have no respect, so if they disrespect their own mother's what respect does an perspective wife expect to happen to them?
quote:
Of course the more cynical view is they want a wife who will provide them a route out of poverty ie money or passport or both!
Although this maybe a cynical view there is good reason for it, and it needs to be taken into consideration when deciding to get married. Just like most people would want to sus out their perspective partners in the west before taking the plunge. As they say act in haste repent at leisure.
And of course there are exceptions to the rule I know of transcultural and racial marriages lasting for over 20 years. I think the key is mutal respect and time to get know each other as individuals and each other cultures. This doesn't only apply to western white women but western women of colour too.
I think Colley's article should be reccommended as a must read on planes going to Gambia. What do you think?
Peace
Sister Omega |
Peace
Sister Omega |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 05 Feb 2006 : 19:53:19
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quote:
Originally posted by Janky
I totally agree with you gambiabev. I want to hear good things about the gambian men in europe as all I hear is bad things. This then gives all the gambian men a bad name.
I know gambians that have married for a passport then left their wives (european) as soon as their stay or passport has arrived. I took my vows seriously when I got married and I HOPE my husband did too. I want a happy and good life with my hubby but all I hear is bad things which then plants a seed in my head, as Im sure it does for all gambian wives. Is there anyone out there who has a positive view to share.
I have a positive view to share. I was married to a gambian for 7 years and he treated me like a queen, and still after our divorce he treats me with alot of respect because I am the mother of his children. We got divorced because I wanted to, otherwise we would have been married still today. He really loved me and did his best for years to try and get us back together again, marriage counselling and all. But unfortunately it didnt work for Me. He is married to a good gambian woman today.
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serenata
Germany
1400 Posts |
Posted - 07 Feb 2006 : 19:23:57
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quote:
Originally posted by Janky
I want a happy and good life with my hubby but all I hear is bad things which then plants a seed in my head, as Im sure it does for all gambian wives. Is there anyone out there who has a positive view to share.
Hi Janky, here is another positive view. My Gambian husband and me are married now for 11 years, and we are very happy together. But it took some effort to get to this point. Here are a few things we had to learn:
At first, no matter how much you love each other, particularly in the first years the cultural difference will cause irritations from time to time. Accept this, talk to each other - without reproach - about everything that troubles you, dont fear discussions, share your thoughts and feelings. This will bring you closer together and really let you know each other.
Some traps are laid out, too. Though we are very close to our families in Africa and Europe and our marriage benefits a lot from this, we had to learn that it is not good to allow family or friends to interfere in our relationship too much. This was especially difficult for my husband (marriage is regarded as a family matter as well as an individual in Gambia, and it is very important to be loyal to the family and obedient to one's parents) and brought him into some terrible psychic conflicts. But European families, too, can be a source of trouble if you dont set limits.
And there are all the envious people who could try to poison your relationship. Only yesterday a friend who recently married a man from Senegal told me that some of his friends started manoevres of this kind, telling him Your wife should do this and that, your wife should buy this and that for you; look at XY, his French wife bought a compound (car, fridge
) for him, and so on. But Europeans are not better - certain people will take great pleasure in telling you horrible stories like the ones you mentioned. Then smile, and follow your path...
Be sure: If you and your husband work on your relationship and avoid traps you can have both - a happy marriage and financial advantage for him and his family! I wish you all the best! |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 07 Feb 2006 : 20:11:24
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Serenata
I am very pleased for you. I have met some nice Gambian men, but I am unsure of their motives because of the economic differential. In England we often split bills on dates or the old fashioned way is the man pays..........
I have been on a few dates and felt awkward paying for everything as if I was buying the bloke! Now i know how men feel when they are used as a meal ticket by women.
How did you overcome this? How were you sure of your love?
Do you live in Gambia or europe or both? Do you have children? Is there an age gap?
Sorry my ???are so personal...dont answer if you dont want to.....
I am very interested in how you know if someone is genuine..... |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 07 Feb 2006 : 22:49:03
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I have seen alot of that, women who pay everything for the guys.
I think thatīs wrong! wrong! wrong!, why on earth should a girl have to pay for a guy?
Itīs ok to do it every now and then, share the restaurant bill and small things like that just to be nice. But when a woman keep on paying tickets, houses, clothes, cars etc. and get nothing in return -thatīs crazy! the guy is obviously using her.
Why do some women do it? there are PlEntY of men who have jobs and cars already so why choose some broke dude who canīt do nada for da lady?
That is a big mistake and a waste of time. But none of these warnings ever seem to get to the ladies heads since they keep on doing it year after year. I see it all the time. Whatīs wrong with these women I ask myself??
Certainly itīs the mans fault too, but the women let it happen. WHY?
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