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Janyanfara
Tanzania
1350 Posts |
 Posted - 31 Mar 2011 : 23:40:46
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The issue of men marying more than one wife has been debated over and over but the controvercy still remains with some argueing that Islam allows men to havemore than one wife.While others on the monogamous stand would argue tha the prophet did sai if you are able to and can be fair between them.
Now the question is polygamy was practice well before Islam or christianity.So then it has some traditional dimention.
Now if no man or woman can love two people at the same time, how can one treat two people equally when love is for one and you like the other?
Your thoughts
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Sister Omega
United Kingdom
2085 Posts |
Posted - 01 Apr 2011 : 03:41:45
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So if one person can only love one person at a time then I suppose that's the reason why in mongamous societies. There is serial monogamous relationships. In both polygamous and monogamous societies their are extra marital relations too. So I suppose that the same question could be asked about monogamous relationships too. Is monogamy Religious or Traditional'
 
Peace
Sister Omega |
Peace
Sister Omega |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 01 Apr 2011 : 11:21:50
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Janyafara
Religion regulate certain aspects of human society. Marriage happens to be one such category. Men are highly likely to cheat on their partners than the other round.
God's justices sometimes looks unfair to the Unbeliever, however, polygamy is not a religious precondition. In fact marriage in Islam is on the need basis.
What I mean is, if you Janyafara can live your life without the need for sex, marriage is optional on you. Howerver, in our this sweet, fat comsuming, sexual images in everything age, I doubt if you can sleep without bumpering for six month. Moro, you will commence counting the wall papers.
The Prophet Muhammad only marry one wife for the larger part of his live. Ali also never marry a second wife until after the passing of his first wife. These are our guide in the aspect of Islam.
Polygame is abuse more often that not, just like many men will be cheating and giving all sorts of excuses for their coming home late and inability to romance the Wife.
Marriage itself is not stipulated for a man/woman who will not stop cheating after the marriage. If you cannot stick to your wife/husband, then to remain unmmarried is your best option. The rationale is that, the Shariah stipulate capital punishment for a cheating married person, whilst only a 100 lashes for an unmarried person.
Coming to why Polygame was recommended by Islam...
In many societies, men can have children with women and yet later get married to somebody different. Society then don't count illegitimate children as part of the Will of the father. It mean that children born out of wedlock is left on the sideline. Even in the West, East and North, you cannot even become a King or replace your father. You cannot be a Priest etc etc and even political position is a no go area.
Islam sees that as an oppression, a stain on an innocent child. This is why, the concept of Original Sin has no place in Islam, because children cannot have sin. It is is irrational and unjust burden.
To safeguard the future of the unborn child, men are advised to marry women before any canal sexual relationship. To safeguard the child name, honour and future respectability is far more important than arguing over whether monogamy or polygame is the best, because women will go into polygamy by their free choice.
The strict condition laid down for a polygamous relationship is so high, many men are falling headlong against the rule unperturb... So if polygamy is practise with all the right principle, no father's responsibility will ever be in doubt.
The Islamic ethic is that, a father has no claim over a child born outisde marriage. You cannot sue a woman in court for access to a child you had with her outside marriage. She has sole claim over the child. This is why, Sex outside marriage fall under the category of things incuring God's anger... The rule is that, "do not go near fornication and adultry.." A multiple meaning but at the same time meaning, if going to a night club will mean getting tempted to do fornication, then watch out.. If being alone with a sister will wiggle your tail, then watch out... close all doors to your weakness..
Marriage is so important in Islam, it said to be half of one's religion. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
Edited by - Santanfara on 01 Apr 2011 11:27:09 |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 01 Apr 2011 : 11:27:03
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I think most intelligent educated feminist women would find polygamy unacceptable, what ever religion or society they belong to.
In the UK most people see monogamy as the ideal to aim for. Clearly this is not easy, and many people have affairs and/or get divorced and may go on to have another partner. But the ideal is 'forsaking all others'. This is embedded in the Christian and the Civil marriage ceremony in the UK.
Many poor women, with little education have very little real choice if they don't have paid work they are reliant on a man. That is the same the world over. Education and employment are the key. Then women can have a real choice and the practise will die out. |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 01 Apr 2011 : 11:53:12
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| Santanfara I agree with you so much about children and the concept of original sin. How can a child be born with sin? Anyone who holds a new born baby surely sees them as a fresh, new life. |
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Janyanfara
Tanzania
1350 Posts |
Posted - 01 Apr 2011 : 12:10:11
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Bro San,
You would kill me with laughter oh my God!
The reason I ask is some traditional tendencies of parents forcing marriages on their Daughters and sometimes sons against their wishes. Also men marying two or more just because they say it is tradition that requires it. I had a discussion with some friends resently and one even suggested that tradition or Islam requires if your wife cannot satisfy you sexually, one is allowed to go for a second wife another even gave a scene version at one of the chiefs court in the Gambia a woman taking her husband to the chief saying she can't do more than two rounds per night while the husband goes for six and when ask the man said he can only reduce one and five is ok and the woman went on to say if that is all what the man wants , he can go for a second wife but she can't do more than two.
These problem seem not only with Gambia Senegal Mali or other muslim Africans nations but Asia and the middle East as well. So it has to have some religious diamention or religion accepted it when it was introduced and found men practicing it thus the traditional aspect of it.
So I asked what about some men whose wives kept their secrets of not satisfying them and kept the marriage? or some non functioning men whose wives would go about serving any man they can find and the husband would dare not say a word because his secrets would be unveiled if he dares. So my brothers and sisters I ask why marry just because friends and mates had two or more when you can only manage one? |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 01 Apr 2011 : 12:45:11
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Janyafara
Sexual pleasure is individualist in nature. If a man can journey with his partner with the proper decorum, there will be no case for complaining about how many rounds one performs.
You have to bear in mind that, such complaint are in cases where men just go for it instead of following the proper protocol.
Islam recommends that, couples be intimate. Our Religion is so wholesome, it didn't leave any stone inturn. The Prophet Muhammad said, before cohabitation, send some greetings to the wife.
To understand the advise in our terms it means, be romantic, jovial and never just drop the pants and go for it.
Secondly, whether it is tradition that one is looking to or Religion, there are avenues that, people will always try to exploit and your observation happens to be on such cases.
Human beings are by nature self interest seekers. We pretend that, we are doing certain things because of friends or family. Traditionally, people use to force their sons to marry certain women and vice verser for women. But the Islamic standpoint is that, marriage is an act between two people (man and woman) on a free will basis.
The friends you spoke to are abusing what they see as tradition or religious stipulation. Many of them, if you tell them, The Prophet Muhammad states, they should attend every Juma prayer like today. And that,they should never for any reason abandon their five dialy prayer and be kind, charitable, not harm innocent people with their tongue or private parts etc, they cannot fathamton such. hence, in Mandinka terms, tawtenya lemu (deliberate behvaiours). Thanks |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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Janyanfara
Tanzania
1350 Posts |
Posted - 01 Apr 2011 : 16:41:14
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| That was a fantastic peace brother santanfara. Thank you I had gone to give thanks to Allah and when I came back I found this and will show to others for their benefit. |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 01 Apr 2011 : 17:27:42
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Janyafara
The thanks goes to Allah, you and Momodou for the platfrom. You initiated a difficult topic, however, you intellect enables us to comprehend the key messages. God bless.
In our part of the world, polygamy is only benefiting the Marabouts ( Mass kunda, Hydara kunda, Ceesay Kunda, Kah kunda, Jabbi and Gassama kunda and the pretender marabous, Kamara kunda and Sanyang kunda ). they are eating our sisters money fighting over the heart of moontiger brothers |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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turk
USA
3356 Posts |
Posted - 01 Apr 2011 : 19:50:50
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quote:
Originally posted by Santanfara
Janyafara
Sexual pleasure is individualist in nature. If a man can journey with his partner with the proper decorum, there will be no case for complaining about how many rounds one performs.
You have to bear in mind that, such complaint are in cases where men just go for it instead of following the proper protocol.
Islam recommends that, couples be intimate. Our Religion is so wholesome, it didn't leave any stone inturn. The Prophet Muhammad said, before cohabitation, send some greetings to the wife.
To understand the advise in our terms it means, be romantic, jovial and never just drop the pants and go for it.
Secondly, whether it is tradition that one is looking to or Religion, there are avenues that, people will always try to exploit and your observation happens to be on such cases.
Human beings are by nature self interest seekers. We pretend that, we are doing certain things because of friends or family. Traditionally, people use to force their sons to marry certain women and vice verser for women. But the Islamic standpoint is that, marriage is an act between two people (man and woman) on a free will basis.
The friends you spoke to are abusing what they see as tradition or religious stipulation. Many of them, if you tell them, The Prophet Muhammad states, they should attend every Juma prayer like today. And that,they should never for any reason abandon their five dialy prayer and be kind, charitable, not harm innocent people with their tongue or private parts etc, they cannot fathamton such. hence, in Mandinka terms, tawtenya lemu (deliberate behvaiours). Thanks
nice! |
diaspora! Too many Chiefs and Very Few Indians.
Halifa Salah: PDOIS is however realistic. It is fully aware that the Gambian voters are yet to reach a level of political consciousness that they rely on to vote on the basis of Principles, policies and programmes and practices. |
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Janyanfara
Tanzania
1350 Posts |
Posted - 01 Apr 2011 : 20:37:44
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| nice what turks?Your comments please.What do you think? |
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Prince
507 Posts |
Posted - 01 Apr 2011 : 21:19:43
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Interesting posts guys.... some bits of your posts are very funny.
It is hard to answer Janyanfara's question b'cos religion and tradition are very intertwined amongst our people. It is not easy to draw a clear line which indicates where religion stops and tradition begins.
Like Santa said, most folks use religion or tradition as excuses ONLY when it is convenient. For example, it is not uncommon to hear certain religious leaders using the religious excuses like "Moses was respectful to Pharaoh," as a justification for us to remain respectful to people who repeatedly insult our elders.
Most polygamous folks back home are NOT able to fulfill the emotional and financial requirements prescribed by either religion or tradition.
Polygamy is not as prevalent in the Arab world as it is in Africa.... so it could be safe to argue that polygamy has a lot to do with tradition than religion.
Janyanfara, why are you sooooo interested in these answers? Are you looking for excuses to be polygamous |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 01 Apr 2011 : 21:34:50
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In Tendaba many of the fishermen have 4 wives and many children.
Clearly they will struggle to provide for the needs of their families. |
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turk
USA
3356 Posts |
Posted - 02 Apr 2011 : 00:57:47
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quote:
Originally posted by Janyanfara
nice what turks?Your comments please.What do you think?
My comments? I can only affort quarter or most, half wife. So, I see polygamy as a luxury.
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diaspora! Too many Chiefs and Very Few Indians.
Halifa Salah: PDOIS is however realistic. It is fully aware that the Gambian voters are yet to reach a level of political consciousness that they rely on to vote on the basis of Principles, policies and programmes and practices. |
Edited by - turk on 02 Apr 2011 00:58:12 |
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sab
United Kingdom
912 Posts |
Posted - 02 Apr 2011 : 14:31:10
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Oh 'bantaba' you give me headache like a spaghetti junction as I attempt to understand religion, culture and your three bodies of law.
Janyanfara a very interesting thread.
I read recently from Amie Sillah - The Silent Voices;
Polgamy is authorised under Sharia & Customary Law and is widely practised (as we know) Verse 4.3 of the Holy Qur'an states "if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two three or four..." It is explicit here that polygamy is not right, but a responsibility to ensure that justice is done to orphans. In practise, however, rarely is polygamy a question of orphans care.
From 'Women and Islam ( A case study of The Gambia) - OMAR JAH states 4.3 - Allah clearly states..marry women of your choice, two or three or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one.
Verse 129 You will never be able to be fair and just as between women even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much Nuzo to one of them so as to leave the other hanging(neither divorced nor married)
In Tunisa, Morocco & Pakinstan they have made attempts to invalidate polygamy on the face of this clear verse
Further a question was raised in the above study:
If conditions are fulfilled polygamy is good for women:
71.4% of the women agreed, 11.7% had no opinion & 16.9% disagreed.
Of the men, 90.3% agreed & 8.3% disagreed.
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The world would be a poorer place if it was peopled by children whose parents risked nothing in the cause of social justice, for fear of personal loss. (Joe Slovo - African revolutionary) |
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Santanfara
3460 Posts |
Posted - 03 Apr 2011 : 13:12:33
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| Sab, a good reference as always. I intend to read Amie Sillsh'd book and provide a different point of view. From the snap shot i had from WAG, it seems, over sensitivity may affect some of her direct approach. |
Surah- Ar-Rum 30-22
"And among His signs is the creation of heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge." Qu'ran
www.suntoumana.blogspot.com |
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