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Prince
507 Posts |
 Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 13:06:41
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Most Gambians abroad guinuely try to help family members and friends back home to better their living conditions. We do this by paying school fees, funding naming ceremonies, weddings, and some people go to the extent of paying for non-immediate family members to perform the hajj. These sincere goodwill gestures at times lead to mistakes that often result to some unintended consequences.
For example, I was helping an uncle who had a low paying government job to pay for his children school fees and suplement his modest salary. Unfortunately, his children graduated from high school with very appalling results but i still unsuccessfully tried to help them stand on their feet. Long story short, my personal responsibilities increased (thus the need for budgeting), and i saw no point in continuing to spend on unmotivated fellows. To my shock, my uncle started labeling me as a "wicked" fellow who refuses to give him his"entitlements ." This is a man who never said "thank you" to me, not even once. I know it's part of the culture to neglect saying thank you, but this grown man should've known better. On numerous instances, people assume that i owe them and they are entitled to my earnings... .
A very close Gambian friend of mine was holding off marriage until he settles down ( career, home etc). He was still generous enough to help fund the wedding of a extended family member. This family member had a child and named him after my friend "Tow-maa." He now expects my friend to be literally responsible for all of the child's financial needs, which includes but is not limited to school fees, Ramadan, tobaski....
I know things are hard for some folks back home, but methinks this culture of extreme dependency is doing more damage than good. I don't even want to talk about folks who refuse work at all because they have a "semester," or the young men who spend all day drinking attaya while nurturing disillusions and dreams... Even foreigners who sincerely trying to help Gambians discover that they are sometimes pouring water on the beach.
I know that we all make mistakes in our approach to helping people back home, some of which were very dreadful. What are your regrets/mistakes, what would you have done differently? I know every case and family is different.... but what do you think is the best ways to help Gambians better their lives, without compromising their desire to work toward individual self-sufficiency?
Our people say that a wise man learns from his mistakes, while a wiser man learns from other people's mistakes. So please share your stories or give a word of advise, it could help change someone's life or save a family's relationship.
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"When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty." |
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snuggels
960 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 14:40:53
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Over the years and not being a Gambian I have helped variouse Gambians and on only one occassion was the words Thank you said.
So in the main my own experience is no matter what you do or what you get no thanks.In fact the more you give the more is expected.
We can all have compassion for the plight of the average Gambian.
But compassion has its limits |
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toubab1020
12314 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 16:40:21
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Prince that you so much for this truthful posting showing how it is in The Gambia,I think that your uncles comment have hurt you badly I am sorry for that,this experience has made you evaluate the thinking of Gambians (I presume that you are a Gambian and black )however your posting indicates the response recieved by those who are not Gambians who try to "help" their "friends" >thank you prince,Snuggles and i have posted our bit here I wait to see if the regular posters here will give their views?
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"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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mansasulu
997 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 17:42:31
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Prince, you are not alone. May you be rewarded you for all that you have done. I have resigned to the fact that whatever I do for others I do it for the pleasure of God. My wife's uncle once told me that the difference between Gambians and Senegalese is that in Senegal they have a culture of saying thank you (garem). If you attend a senegalese gathering you will get the exact point I am trying to make. They garem so much so that it is at times annoying to us gambians because we are not use to giving credit when it is due.
Gambians don't say thank you. So what I have tried to live by is help if I can and dont bother if I cant regardless of what the people say. The other thing I learnt is that the less you give, the more they appreciate what you have done for them in the past. |
"...Verily, in the remembrance of Allâh do hearts find rest..." Sura Al-Rad (Chapter 13, Verse 28)
...Gambian by birth, Muslim by the grace of Allah... |
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toubab1020
12314 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 18:07:26
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There is no excuse for not being polite ! Gambia is not New York were people are very rude say thank you ,never,say please,never,you cannot make excuses for bad manners.What lies behing the smiles of the smiling coast no one can tell,but The Gambian faith I agree with you The Gambians accept God's will if you "help" or notIts all in God's hands |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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mansasulu
997 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 19:03:58
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| Absolutely inexcusable not to say thank you to someone who is helping you. I believe we need to learn from our senegalese brethren as far as thanking people go. |
"...Verily, in the remembrance of Allâh do hearts find rest..." Sura Al-Rad (Chapter 13, Verse 28)
...Gambian by birth, Muslim by the grace of Allah... |
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Momodou
Denmark
11828 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 19:17:58
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Prince, what you explained is very familiar.
I think the best approach is to give out the money as a micro loan to those who ask. I have started to do that because as you stated; it does not help to keep on “pouring water on the beach”. |
A clear conscience fears no accusation - proverb from Sierra Leone |
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toubab1020
12314 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 20:13:04
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Momodou,that seems like a very good idea.how do you work it? Surley that can only work when you are in the country.
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"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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Momodou
Denmark
11828 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 21:26:33
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Toubab, So far it’s only family members who would have depended on me in one way or another that I gave loans to.
Here are three examples:
1. I bought carpentry tools for someone as a loan. He wanted to pay me the following year and I told him to re-invest the money until next time. Now he is very independent and I don't need to give him money whenever I come there.
2. I gave a loan to a sister to buy a refrigerator for making ice. Unfortunately she purchased a faulty one and the business collapsed after a few months.
3. Another is now engaged in small business and gardening from a loan I provided and its going fine.
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A clear conscience fears no accusation - proverb from Sierra Leone |
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Prince
507 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 21:42:10
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"Thank you" guys, like Mansa said, it is inexcusable for grownups to neglect saying thank you. I'm not trying to defend Gambians, but not saying thank you does not mean that they do not appreciate what you've done for them. It is a culture thingy. For example, Gambians don't hug or kiss their mothers as often as other cultures do, but this does not imply that they love their mothers any less.
Nonetheless, borrowing a page from the Senegalese will go a long way in...
quote:
Originally posted by Momodou
Prince, what you explained is very familiar.
I think the best approach is to give out the money as a micro loan to those who ask. I have started to do that because as you stated; it does not help to keep on “pouring water on the beach”.
That is a good way to help Momodou. Unfortunately, i find this approach to generally work with only women. If you give money to most Gambian men, they will recklessly spend the money with the assumption that its "family money." All they have to do after wasting the money on nothing is to gather a few elders and some Kola nuts and blame their astonishing behavior on satan.
I once gave a van to an uncle and asked him to only pay me the principal. Sadly, he even had the guts to ask me to pay for some minor repairs after 6 months of driving. He eventually sold the van to solve an "emergency problem."
Right now, i feel like its almost hopeless . |
"When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty." |
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Prince
507 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 21:45:14
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quote:
Originally posted by Momodou
Toubab, So far it’s only family members who would have depended on me in one way or another that I gave loans to.
Here are three examples:
1. I bought carpentry tools for someone as a loan. He wanted to pay me the following year and I told him to re-invest the money until next time. Now he is very independent and I don't need to give him money whenever I come there.
2. I gave a loan to a sister to buy a refrigerator for making ice. Unfortunately she purchased a faulty one and the business collapsed after a few months.
3. Another is now engaged in small business and gardening from a loan I provided and its going fine.
Your family members are really driven, i envy you. |
"When injustice becomes law, rebellion becomes duty." |
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Momodou
Denmark
11828 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 21:48:13
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quote:
Originally posted by Prince
If you give money to most Gambian men, they will recklessly spend the money with the assumption that its "family money." All they have to do after wasting the money on nothing is to gather a few elders and some Kola nuts and blame their astonishing behavior on satan.
LOL This is very true.
I understand that van business is one of the worst you can trust a family member with. |
A clear conscience fears no accusation - proverb from Sierra Leone |
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Momodou
Denmark
11828 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 22:01:09
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quote:
Originally posted by Prince
Your family members are really driven, i envy you.
Prince, I have also had many disappointments and never got a “thank you”..
I decided to only choose the few I could trust to start the experiments. I have made a written contract with the one who is now engaged in small business.
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A clear conscience fears no accusation - proverb from Sierra Leone |
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toubab1020
12314 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 22:32:34
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OK folks lets resolve this Gambian problem,just remember this simple saying that I have just thought of:
"If you want to give a Gambian money,FINE,if you want to loan a Gambian money,DON'T." |
"Simple is good" & I strongly dislike politics. You cannot defend the indefensible.
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Edited by - toubab1020 on 25 Aug 2009 22:36:32 |
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faderabraham
203 Posts |
Posted - 25 Aug 2009 : 23:29:03
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hi..you guys are a breath of fresh air ...
what you said is absolutely correct..
if gambians living abroad go home they are given more hassle than us twobobs...
they never appreciate and i thought it was just us twobobs
it really is difficult for you gambian abroad i would go as far as to say worse than us percieved superich twobobs--tenpence--tourists..
hey but we all still LOVE THE GAMBIA & its people
kind regards
fads
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Momodou
Denmark
11828 Posts |
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