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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
 Posted - 15 Mar 2006 : 14:37:23
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quote:
Originally posted by Janyanfara
.Am sure any small gift will be appriciated as some times those programmes cost fortunes despite poverty,people take pride to go ahead.But do try and dance as it is real fun.
I hope I'm not going off topic here, but I am curious
My hubby is about the only person I know who doesn't care what the family or people expect(about this topic).He will not do a big celebration if we don't have the money.Even our wedding was very small compared to the traditional ones.Everyone goes on and on at him to do this, to do that.....he refuses.
I have also seen huge problems within families because of these big celebrations, there is no money, but the woman has to have a huge do.A friend of ours was planning to get married, he just spent some time there, and came back still a bachelor, because the brides mother expected too much.
I have a very one-sided view,I can't understand why people want to waste so much money for a quick celebration and the next day they are left with nothing.Of course everybody likes to celebrate and present themselves, but that there has to be soo much money spent on these things is a puzzle to me.Please enlighten me
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blackerberry2004
69 Posts |
Posted - 15 Mar 2006 : 15:17:41
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People overdo this marriage celebration stuff. I would bet that there is a correlation between the cost of the wedding and the longevity of a marriage. When people spend all these money for a few days wedding, and consequently a long term financial burden, there bound to be a strain in the marriage. And most of the time, the brides who insist on big weddings, generally do not turn out to be good wives anyhow and may not even hang on if the marriage has financial strains. Humility goes a long way.
By the way, it is expected that the bride's family should shoulder the cost of the wedding and all the groom is responsible for is the dowry (I'm not sure this is observed by all tribes, but most do). However, recently, the brides and their family conspire to put this burden on the groom. God help us! |
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Babylon
Sweden
691 Posts |
Posted - 15 Mar 2006 : 16:26:24
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I think for most women around the globe, the wedding day is important and worth to spend alot of money on. It is (hopefully ) a once in a lifetime celebration and I would say it´s worth every butut!
And a Gambian wedding is rather cheap compared to a traditional Western church wedding.
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twinkly
United Kingdom
190 Posts |
Posted - 15 Mar 2006 : 18:01:44
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quote:
Originally posted by Babylon
And a Gambian wedding is rather cheap compared to a traditional Western church wedding.
From the eyes of the Westerner
I must be some strange creature because I don't mind having a small do if I don't have money to waste, it's the groom's character that counts to me, not the beautiful party.I must be strange.....
Blackberry
These words could have come from my other half
If I believe what I hear, it seems that there are many women like this.I somehow don't want to accept this because I have no first-hand experience.
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sab
United Kingdom
912 Posts |
Posted - 15 Mar 2006 : 18:54:03
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| Greetings, safe journey Gambiabev, should you still be looking for accomodation in the future, go to my last posting to you and ask where I stay, five minutes walk from you this time.(you could then visit, see if it is suitable) or ask for the 'paperwork' I left behind, and e mail me. regards, Freedom & peace, sab. |
The world would be a poorer place if it was peopled by children whose parents risked nothing in the cause of social justice, for fear of personal loss. (Joe Slovo - African revolutionary) |
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serenata
Germany
1400 Posts |
Posted - 15 Mar 2006 : 20:04:05
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quote:
Originally posted by blackerberry2004
People overdo this marriage celebration stuff. I would bet that there is a correlation between the cost of the wedding and the longevity of a marriage. When people spend all these money for a few days wedding, and consequently a long term financial burden, there bound to be a strain in the marriage. And most of the time, the brides who insist on big weddings, generally do not turn out to be good wives anyhow and may not even hang on if the marriage has financial strains. Humility goes a long way.
Blackerberry, I fully agree with the first part of your posting; I saw this coincidence too often. A big show, and a lot of hot air after...
To Gambiabev: Though I criticized you several times, I give you my left hand and wish you a happy and safe journey! |
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 15 Mar 2006 : 21:53:51
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Serenata
Keep the tradtion. I remember giving a left hand to a Kenyan when i was leaving Arusha and she declined it thinking it was rude. When i explained what it meant she apologised. keep your culture and people will respect you for it. I do the same everywhere i go. |
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” |
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gambiabev
United Kingdom
3091 Posts |
Posted - 15 Mar 2006 : 23:07:20
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I was offered the left hand by lamins (whos wedding I am going to father) I was VERY flattered when it was explained to me.
Thanks for all the good wishes everyone...we can agree to disagree and still be cyber friends |
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Formby
United Kingdom
246 Posts |
Posted - 16 Mar 2006 : 13:57:47
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| Ok then so what does it mean? |
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 16 Mar 2006 : 19:16:55
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| It simply means that you will meet again. It is a form of prayer that you undertake the journey and come back in one piece. |
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” |
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Janyanfara
Tanzania
1350 Posts |
Posted - 16 Mar 2006 : 20:55:23
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My boy Kondorong and allyou guys,
The only thing we have left is our Traditional values.Though sometimes people over do it and start to suffer which is the worst side of it.
Just last week my young sister had twins .The husband's family decided to make a big celebration despite the husband is not working.Someof his brothers and sisters told him to pressurised his wife(my sister)to to go to her brothers us because all are in Europe to find morney to do the celebration.My elder brother who left US last month was convinced by our mother to help our sister out.He was so wise to contact us.My brothers in germany,spain and two of my sisters here in the Uk,we were all in contact with the brother in the Gambia.All of them agreed with my decision.
Which is..b4 sending thousands of dalasis 4 just one day,We will divide the mmorney into two halves,sent few thousands to buy the two rams only the rest if the husband who should name his childreen(If he has by right of marriage)can afford the balance,fine let them go ahead.The other balance,we've decided that our brother in the Gambia should open a secret account for the twins not even to tell the mother(our sister until after the christening.
You see if we let our mother have her way,all the morney will be waisted and when there is nothing left,every day problem when the husband is fed-up, he will send her parking then next minute to us to feed her and the childreen.
Some traditions are values that must be kept but some should be used according to one's ability and not just to do it because of pride.A day after you start crying.No.I will always help my family but not to help them towards their own distruction because tradition calls it.If I agree to their demand,I must suffer the consequences when things go wrong 4 blood is thicker than water.
I must leave you now 4 I need to read.
Mankajang Janyanfara |
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BornAfrican
United Kingdom
119 Posts |
Posted - 16 Mar 2006 : 22:50:05
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I believe people have to keep thier traditions. our traditions are our culture and without them, we are no body. with socio-economic evolution, we have to learn how to change with time. i am not against traditional celebrations in the Gambia, but many times, i deem our lavish spending on them totally unnecessary and a sheer waste of resources. some of these ceremonies on which we spend our decade's savings are special, i totally agree to that. it could be a wedding or another kind of ceremony, but one has to cut one's coat according to one's size. taking myself as an example, few years ago, my brothers decided to do a naming ceremony and they had a budget over $1000 (remember this is in the Gambia). i was opposed to it very strongly, but i was only 18 years old. i had a very nasty reaction because i was 18, my opinions didn't matter. i knew there was a lot to take care of in our compound that needs money, our near relatives didn't have enough and they needed help. my brothers went ahead and spent all the money. recently, things started going tough economically for some of them and i always try to remind them that if they had invested that amount of money (they had wasted on the naming ceremony) on something that will yeild profits, they could have resorted to it in times of hardship. fortunately, they understand what i was trying to put right few years ago, but its already late.
the same goes for many Gambian families. everyone complains about the current government (i.e its lack of money), but when a ceremony comes up, you see those very people coming up with cash you just can't imagine.
i remember the former paliamentarian under the Jawara regime, Ebrima K. Sarr had a nickname "feed the nation". the reason he got this name was that he objected to a waste of money on a particular ceremony, which he dubbed "feed the nation". here was a rational man talking, but most people were not happy with his remarks thus he got the name: "feed the nation".
i believe our economic situations have to dictate our economic activities at all times. people have to learn how to invest wisely rather than spending all their savings just to become beggers once again. everyone in the Gambia wants his/her ceremony to be the talk of town.
according to Babylon, the Gambian wedding is cheap compared to a western wedding. i don't agree with this. it all depends on where you are. on the international currency market, the dollar is heavier than the dalasi, but logically, the dollar is to America as the Dalasi is to the Gambia. you work for one dollar equally as hard as you work for one dalasi, so spending one dalasin in the Gambia is like spending one dollar in America.
when you go back to roots, you find that the lavish spending in today's Gambian ceremonies are our own making. |
me |
Edited by - BornAfrican on 16 Mar 2006 22:53:54 |
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kondorong
Gambia
4380 Posts |
Posted - 16 Mar 2006 : 23:27:58
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It is very expensive. The mother will probably buy atleast five new clothes averaging 2 to 3 thousand dalsis each not to mention jewelry etc. The salary of a Director in public service is about three thousand dalasis.
It really does not make sense to spend one's annual income in one day no matter where you come from. It may be cheap to an outsider but in real value terms these naming ceremonies are out of touch with the tradition.
Tradtition only demands you slaughter a sheep and infact if you cannot afford on the day itself you can postpone it to better times. This is not in the name of culture but a new culture of waste and i believe some of us making contributions here have directly led to this new wave of waste by sending monies trying to impress others. It is a reality.
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“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” |
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Janyanfara
Tanzania
1350 Posts |
Posted - 17 Mar 2006 : 01:00:34
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No matter where weddings take place now a days, they are so so expensive.I belief as one writer puts it.The european currency is the same with the Dalasi.Life in Africa is even cheaper we all know this.Our problem and difference is management of resources.
Peace |
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BornAfrican
United Kingdom
119 Posts |
Posted - 17 Mar 2006 : 01:19:13
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Kondorong,
you are very right. women in the Gambia are one of the most hardworking people in the world and i can defend that. go to the serekunda market or the albert market in Banjul and you will find that the majority of peole doing business in there are women. go to the "faroos" (rice and vegetable fields) and you will see how hard the gambian woman struggles. with proper management, these women should be the richest in the Gambia. after all that hard work, they spend all their money on ceremonies either on donations ("jansa/jansoo")or if its their own ceremony, they will spend it on clothes and jewelry. i am not being evil to women, but i am trying to point out their mistakes. if you want to see how "well off" the gambian women are, just organize a Jaliba Kuyateh show.
men play their part in this economic blunder as well. i have seen gambians here in the west sending loads of money to their families just to spend on a ceremony. i have seen gambians after having a baby here in the UK, they take a loan, go to the Gambia to spend it on a naming ceremony. they will later come back to go work in the warehouses to pay back those loans.
recently, somebody named his baby after me. everyone was expecting me to send money. i didn't, because i didn't ask this person to name his child after me. i know why he chose me. he was expecting me to sponsor his naming ceremony. everyone is blaming me for not sending any money. this is how some people think out there, its ridiculous. people here in the west have portrayed some very untrue pictures of europe and of themselves to the Gambians. i refuse to be part of it. you have to come over here and see the life some gambians are living and the kinda ceremonies they sponsor back in the gambia. its their choice, but one has to learn how to make atleast a dalasi out of every five dalasi he/she spends. |
me |
Edited by - BornAfrican on 17 Mar 2006 01:27:22 |
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